Girlfriend in a Coma

So Tuesday I was at work, listening to the NPR Shuffle podcast. A few of them actually, I was a few days behind. Then the All Things Considered story came on about Thrillerfest, a writers' conference in New York for authors and fans of the suspense/thriller genre. My ears perked up, as I'm currently reading the fantastic series of novels in that genre by Stieg Larsson, the Millennium Trilogy, or the Lisbeth Salander books. The NPR Reporter, Margot Adler, talked to some aspiring writers who had attended the conference to see what they had learned from the well-known published writers who spoke on various panels. They gave examples of some of the advice, like you need at least 2 plot twists, flawed characters, etc. Then Adler continued, "Some attendees are looking for publishers and agents. Todd Honeycutt hopes someone will pick up his book: 'My book is called The Shambala Guardian. It's about a religious fanatic,' he explains, 'who basically is trying to use American robotic technology and, you know, try to take over the whole world and the Americans who to stop him. '

The book sounded interesting. But also I was struck by the name and voice of this particular interviewee. Todd Honeycutt was my old Army boyfriend whom I dated for 6 months when we were stationed in Darmstadt, Germany back in the early '90s. Could it really be him? I had to wait until I got home to check it out. My Google inquiry returned several results for people named Todd Honeycutt. One was a singer/songwriter. His website had a picture, so I knew it wasn't him. I clicked on a few of the other links until I found a Linked In profile, there were 4 Todd Honeycutts on that site, but I found one profile where the dates seemed to fit. I sent a quick message just on a hunch, and the next day received a reply. It was him! How crazy, right?

I've used Linked In to find old colleagues, and Facebook to find old schoolmates and friends, but to be at work, listening to public radio podcasts and suddenly hear someone I knew... And on Radio of all things, such an old technology (Though podcasting updates it a bit. You can save, and re-listen to what you hear).

It was nice to catch up with Todd. He's doing really well, has a family, and has written a book! It really makes you think about the past. It was 17 years ago. I was 21. It seems like a lifetime ago. I thought about my 21-year-old self. How little I knew back then. How ill-equipped I was for some of the things that happened. It was an angsty time. I thought about how hard I must have made it for Todd, being so uptight, and having all those sudden crying episodes, and just being so clueless about relationships. I didn't know yet that I was bi-polar, or that all these years later, I'd still be receiving treatment. I didn't realize that back then when Todd broke up with me, it wasn't him, it was me! And that after that, still having nearly half of my tour remaining, there was worse to come.

With all the stuff that's buried deep in my mind, there are quite a few good memories of that time. The weekends in Cologne, and just hanging out with Todd and his roommate Steve Pugh. I remember once when we were sitting on the floor of their room, reading the letters of Franz Kafka aloud, I thought how lucky it was that I met someone so much like me in such an odd place. Neither of us really belonged. There were important differences too. But mostly, being with him, it was a good place to be.

I hope that I've grown up since then. I hope that I am less likely to make the same mistakes I made. It's hard to say, though. It's a toss up. Sometimes it feels like the part of me that was awakening at that time, went back to sleep, and hasn't been heard from since.