Come on Feet

I finally got to go back to New York for a visit a few weeks ago. It was great to see Hina and the kids. It had been a couple of years. We did many of the things we usually do when I visit. We went to a Mets game. We visited relatives on Long Island. And since summer was over the kids had school and Hin had work. So one of the days she dropped me off in the City.

I started off at MoMA (53rd and 6th). I hadn't been there since high school so I thought it would nice to see it again. I spent about 3 hours walking around in there. Then I walked over to Rockefeller Center (49th and 5th) and took the ride up to the observation deck. I'd never been up there so that was cool. Then I walked up 5th Avenue...I stopped at Bendel's (56th and 5th). I browsed around up to the 3rd floor, then I hit the street again and headed for the subway at 59th and Lex. I walked a total of 17 blocks, which is nothing in NYC. I got the train out to the Bronx and Hina picked me up. When I got off the train, my feet let me know that they were not happy. I guess sitting down on the train made it more obvious when I got back up. But I pretty much had to limp along the platform on the way to the station exit. When I got back to Hina's I shuffled around the house. My feet felt like the Incredible Hulk had picked me up and used me as a jackhammer. I seriously thought they were broken. Fortunately, my back didn't act up on the whole trip otherwise it could've been trouble. But it was enough. It took a whole day for my feet to recover enough for me to step without pain.

I thought I'd made a good choice of shoes. I wore sneakers. Not supportive athletic shoes, however. But my Kate Spade Saturday PF Flyers. Those flat casual type sneaks,  like Converse All-Stars. No support whatsoever, but they look cool. Bad Choice. The only other shoes I brought on this trip were my Dansko sandals which are pretty comfortable, but I was worried they might rub my pinkie toe as they sometimes do if I walked in them all day. I should have brought my Fluevogs.

Thing is, it's not just those particular shoes that give me trouble. It's every pair lately. Shoes that used to fit and be really comfortable. It's because my feet swell. I retain water like a pregnant woman. That and because of my weight I tend to walk funny, waddling around, wearing down the soles of my shoes on a slant.

My efforts to do more walking thwarted from two directions. If it's not my back, it's my feet. After returning from New York, I went up to Salt Lake City with George. We were there for a Muse concert.  We got a room for the night at the Metropolitan Inn on West Temple and 5th South. So we walked to the venue, Energy Solutions Arena (formerly the Delta Center). It's at South Temple and 3rd West. A total of 6 blocks. But these were Salt Lake blocks. My brother, who is a cop, and walks really fast, kept getting impatient with me. He did not see why I was struggling to make this walk. It was a long walk. Comparable in distance to about 15 NYC blocks. And my shoes kept coming untied. I guess because my feet were swelling, straining at the laces of my normally well fitting and comfy Fluevogs. For the way back after the show, I almost wanted to get a taxi. But I didn't. I'd never hear the end of it.

I actually gave away a bunch of my shoes recently. Some I'd never even worn or only worn a few times. It was so depressing just having them around. When I'm out shopping, I see cute shoes and have to remind myself, even if they fit initially, my feet will eventually render them unwearable. They simply won't cooperate. It's true that my feet are pretty wide, and most shoes that only come in medium width aren't going to fit. But there are some that run big enough that I can get away with it. I've had some that once they were broken in, fit quite comfortably. Otherwise the choice of shoes that come in wide widths is pretty limited. I hate being limited. I'm already pretty limited as far as clothes go. Shoes and accessories are the last refuge for the plus-sized. But lately, it seems like the only shoes I'll be able to wear will be orthopedic ones.

I am...I said

"New York City born and raised, but lately I've been lost between two shores. L.A.'s fine, but it ain't home, New York's home, but it ain't mine no more..."
                                                                      -Neil Diamond

Lately I've been thinking about what it would've been like if my family never left Queens, NYC for the suburbs of Long Island. What would I be like as a City kid? Sometimes I think that one day I'd like to go back. To live there and see what it's like. That's probably not going to happen, for several reasons:

1. I'd need a reeeeaaaaaallly, seriously well-paying job. Those are hard to come by even in the best economic times.
2. I'd have to live in a really tiny apartment. Probably in Queens or Brooklyn.
3. I'd have to depend largely on mass transport, and possibly give up my car.
3a. I'd have to get in better shape, and have the stamina to walk everywhere.
4....Well, those are enough aren't they?

I'd like to think that I could do it. That none of those obstacles would be absolute deal breakers. Maybe I would be lucky enough to get the job. And find a livable apartment. Could I manage the rest?

The thing is, my romanticized ideas are not based in reality. I imagine having season tickets to the Mets. Hopping on the 7 train from my job in Manhattan and spending summer evenings taking in the ballgames. I imagine having the money for nice clothes to wear to the office.

The reality is that we are from what was a becoming a bad neighborhood in Queens. I've no idea what the schools were like. Maybe I would never have made it to college. Probably, I'd have to still live at home. And my closet would be so small I wouldn't have room for many of those nice work clothes.

Mass transport in the city is great. Comparatively. But of course it also comes with mass frustrations. Late trains and buses. Rising fares. Overcrowding. And I just love my car too much. MINIs are great city cars. Parking is a snap, if a place can actually be found. But it's expensive. There's that opposite side of the street nonsense. A garage is a luxury, afforded only by the wealthy. I can just imagine hauling my groceries from the car to my 5th floor walkup. A run to Costco would require many trips up and down.

Now, I just back into my garage, right up to the door. Pop the trunk, and bring the bags right inside. One of many advantages of my little house here. My car is safely parked where no one can hit it, or steal it. I don't share any walls with my neighbors. And I have lots of room. More than I need really. Three bedrooms and 2 and a half baths.

Moving to a tiny New York apartment would seem like a step backwards. A necessary sacrifice, not at all easy for a soft, suburbanite like me.

Even so, I still think it would be great. To be at the center of everything; art and culture, and so much more, in what is still the greatest city in the world. Who could resist?

Don't Dream It's Over

Last Saturday, Cory Monteith, actor, singer and star of Glee was found dead in his hotel room in Vancouver, Canada. He was 31 years old. Reports say he died from a mix of heroin and alcohol and that Cory had struggled with substance abuse since his teens. Those who follow such things knew he had checked himself into rehab in April or May. But this all came as a shock to me. He seemed to be one of those least likely to be mixed up in that kind of stuff. He seemed, like his character Finn Hudson, a goofy, awkward, boy next store with hidden talents. On his Twitter profile he described himself as "tall, awkward, canadian, actor, drummer, person"

 The suddenness of his death is apparent in his last two tweets in which he said:

"What the crap is sharknado. Oh. IT'S A SHARK TORNADO."

Hardly the last words you'd plan. Before that, after a plea for Tornado relief for Oklahoma in May, a two month absence, during which he was apparently in rehab, his first tweet in July was "...so...what did I miss?" He seemed happy, enjoying life. Not that any average Glee fan could claim to know Cory as a person, still, we didn't see this coming. Just goes to show, you never know.

There were so many great Glee moments we have to remember Cory. His portrayal of Finn as a hopeful, goofy, sometimes insecure, oftentimes romantic, but always lovable football jock always made me laugh and smile. I was lucky enough to get to see Cory perform with the rest of the cast here in Vegas during the Glee Live tour of 2011. And now he's gone. Much too soon.

The Summerhouse

My turtles have their very own summer house. It's actually a turtle tub, a large black plastic tub I keep in the garage. I got it so I can put them in there for a few hours each week while I'm cleaning their glass tank upstairs. They have grown too large to fit in the little cardboard carrier boxes I brought them home in. And they hated being shut in those anyway. This way they have freedom and can be comfortable for as long as I need to finish cleaning.

The turtle tub is meant to simulate the environment they would have if they lived in a pond. A pool of water, a ramp for them to climb out and a platform for them to bask in the heat (provided in this case by a lamp, I bring the lamps from upstairs so I don't have to keep two sets). Pretty similar to their tank setup, but they don't need a water heater. It's already plenty hot in the garage. I'm guessing in the winter I'll have to bring the water heater down as well, but for now it's fine without it. I have a spare filter going which they probably don't really need for such a short time, but it may help a bit keeping the water circulating and filtering out at least a bit of the waste they produce.

I got the second filter to see if it worked better on my tank. I've tried 3 so far, and the original one still seems to do the job best. At least it keeps working even when full of muck. The others got clogged and stopped working within a couple of days. It's frustrating because I've spent a lot of money trying to get the best setup to keep things clean and the turtles happy. But they are mischievous and messy little critters and not much keeps them from mucking things up. They like to mess with the filter tube, turning it in the opposite direction. They have detached the tube assembly from the filter housing a few times which stops it working. I keep telling them they need to leave it alone. And though they have excellent hearing, strangely they don't seem to hear my admonitions.

I love them though. They are not cuddly, but when I can watch them climb out of the water, basking in superman pose, neck and limbs stretched out, they look so vulnerable and beautiful.

Baseball Field

This year the Las Vegas 51's have been taken over as the AAA affiliate of the New York Mets. They play at Cashman Field just north of downtown. So of course we were excited! George and I got Dad a season ticket package for his birthday. We got him a 10-game pack with 2 plaza seats. So at least one of us could go to each game with Dad.  I've gone to a few others on my own as well. I think we should go to as many as possible. The Mets only have a 2-year player development deal with the 51's so it's possible that they can go elsewhere after that. But until then we have them. Tomorrow's Mets. Or even today's. Several players have been up to the big club already this year. Omar Quintanilla, Zack Wheeler, Carlos Torres and Juan Lagares to name a few. And some have come the other direction.

Right now Ike Davis is with the 51's, trying to get his swing back. He's struggled so terribly that the Mets sent him down to regain his confidence. I've been to see him play twice. Dad and I went last Sunday to see the game, but Ike was having a day off. We saw him coaching 1st base for that game. He probably won't be down here too much longer. But in the meantime, both Josh Satin and Zach Lutz have been up with the Mets. Lucas Duda has gone onto the DL so Andrew Brown is also currently up with the team. I had a chance to meet Andrew and chat with him at the Season Ticket holders' bar-b-que just before he was called up. Andrew was called up 3 days later, and on the 4th day he hit a home run to tie the game for the Mets. So it's a pretty cool thing to get to know our 51's and then see them succeed with the big club. In years past, we'd always go to a game or two each season. But we didn't care as much since they belonged to Toronto, and before that, the Dodgers. Now they are Mets, it's a whole different experience.

Sitting at the game on Sunday, me and Dad were talking about our early experiences with baseball. Dad was a Dodgers/Giants fan before the teams moved to the west coast. When the Mets were born in 1962, Dad had a new team. And so it's been in our family ever since. I went to my first game in 1983, 30 years ago now. I had the thought that I've been watching baseball as long as David Wright has been alive. Wow. It really makes you feel old. Especially with Zack Wheeler's debut, as the first Met who was actually born in the 1990's.

But this game endures. Generation after generation. No matter what other sports or games or other amusements may come along. Our national pastime is forever. When I think of the hours I've spent watching, the occasional highs and many lows of being a Mets fan, I can't think of anything I'd have rather been doing. Just being able to go to a game, see the green of the grass, the precise chalk lines, the pitcher's mound, and the dirt around the bases. Anything can happen there. Men can run out there and become heroes. And I just have to watch.

Save Me

Two weeks ago, my brother and I got to see Muse at Mandalay Bay Events Center. It was my brother's 4th time seeing them and my 6th. It has been 11 years since the first time I saw them, and they never fail to astonish.

Here's the setlist:
The 2nd Law: Isolated System
Supremacy
Map of the Problematique
Supermassive Black Hole
Resistance
Panic Station
Knights of Cydonia
Monty Jam
Explorers
Follow Me
United States of Eurasia
Liquid State
Madness
Time is Running Out
Undisclosed Desires
Stockholm Syndrome
The 2nd Law: Unsustainable
Uprising
Starlight
Survival

No Hysteria! I was able to see set lists from other shows online, and it seems they changed up one or two songs in each show. But still the show was fantastic. There were the usual cool video displays and the rotating drum riser so they could move around to each side of the stage, even the back. And this time they added pyro at the end.

During this show we got to see Chris up front and center, singing "Liquid State." That and "Save Me" were both written and sung by Chris for "The 2nd Law" album.  Though Chris's voice is unremarkable, it was nice to hear songs so personal. Not that Matt doesn't ever write personal songs, but the bulk of his, and thereby Muse's, songs are full of big ideas. Conspiracy theories, environmental destruction, outer space, the future of humanity. Standing up to the Powers that Be. The search for "Truth." So to me Muse's appeal has been largely in their kick-ass musicianship, and beautiful soundscapes, including Matt's voice. But really it is all that and more. The more is what is hard to describe.  The live experience is still transcendent, despite the pain.

We were about 20 feet from the stage railing. Sadly our streak of being right up front came to an end thanks to the catastrophe of Ticketmaster's new "paperless" ticketing system. When I ordered the tickets back in October, they gave no choice of tickets by mail, or will call, or print at home. It was paperless or nothing. So when we got there, a bit late because it was a Sunday and George had to work until 6:00, we still had to wait in a line to "resolve" our paperless tickets. This meant showing my ID and credit card to a person with a computer who looked up my order and then printed out our tickets! What was the point of that?! Then we had to have them scanned by this guy with a scanner which had to reboot after each scan! Then we could go inside to get in another line for our wristbands to get on the floor! All the while, there were 6 or 7 empty lines where people were going in with no waiting, either because they'd done the ticket line early, or they actually got tickets ahead of time some other way. I was furious! We got inside and sat on the floor. George was wearing my Absolution Tour 2003 T-shirt, which got him a lot of attention. He started chatting with a few people near us. When the show started, I was just trying to get a spot where I could see. Even with only about 10 rows  ahead of me, being short, I didn't have a great view. We were on Chris's side of the stage and he and Matt did go up on the little platform, but not for very long. They had to move around a lot. There were the screens and other stuff to look at, but still I'd been spoiled by all the other times I'd been right up front. George is about 6 or 7  inches taller than me and he had no problem. He even took some video with his phone. In the meantime, with people pushing, I got pushed forward about 10 feet by the end. We got separated. That was fine though, we found each other when it was done.

I came to a realization though. I think I'm too old for all this finally. The standing, craning my neck. Plus I have my bad elbow, and couldn't do all the fun fist pumping and jumping up and down. George being a couple of years younger, and a cop, he's in better shape, but even he found it taxing. We limped out of there together. Our backs were killing us. It hurt getting back in the car. I said that next time, I wanted to get tickets for those seats behind the stage. That would've been ideal. Now we know.

**********************************


This is Easter weekend. The missionaries were here last night. We have been talking about the temple. Last Sunday, at the Elders' suggestion, I met with the Bishop in his office after church. I talked to him about my journey, how I left the church for years, and now I was trying to come back. There are still issues. We talked about those. I told him about my friends John and Pedro, and how they are like family, that there is a room in their house they call "Jennifer's room." And about how I can not see any way possible that God would not be happy with them, their commitment and love. And that since they are not even members of the church, why should they not have the rights of any other couple? Within a church, any church, marriage is a religious institution. And marriage outside the church, is a civil institution. My problem is that the LDS church is trying to influence the civil institution. They put church resources towards supporting Prop 8 in California and DOMA. And now that these two laws are being examined by the Supreme Court, the church signed on to an Amicus brief supporting both. They doubled down. I disagree with this on two counts. One, the church should not be using resources to participate in a legal/ political process. Two, there are all kinds of other marriages outside the church; marriage of straight couples who live together first; marriages of church members with non-members; marriage of couples who have no plans to or otherwise can't have children, and so on. The church really has no say in these, and shouldn't. The church doctrines are very specific, especially where it comes to being married in the temple. But that does not affect people with different beliefs. So why should the church make a point in speaking out against the unions of gay people? To defend heterosexual marriages against them when they have nothing to do with most of these heterosexual marriages. It's very problematic. The Bishop said he could understand where I was coming from. And how the church was making efforts reach out more to gay members and non members alike. There is that website, gaysandmormons.org which I visited and read some of. But still, it's problematic.

But the temple is not just for marriage. As LDS people, we take our endowments in the temple, usually when we are about to get married or go on a mission. But if neither of those are the case, we all still eventually want to take them. The endowments are important for other reasons. For performing sacred ordinances for others, and for eternal salvation. It's our way of making a commitment to the Lord. I have never taken mine. After 7 years in the church, I still never felt ready. Then when I left the church, it was no longer an issue. Now it's something I have to think about. A goal. It's a good goal to have. But I feel like I shouldn't rush it. I must take it seriously. I must take stock of my life, and my mistakes, which are numerous, and re-establish my relationship with God. But I want to do it my own way. The missionaries and the Bishop have to understand that. Baby steps. I first have to re-establish my own testimony. And it's a fragile thing.

In talking with the Bishop, he was very understanding. He told me what kind of questions I will be asked when I am ready to interview for my temple recommend again. We talked about the word of wisdom, tithing, and other issues of worthiness. I didn't tell him everything. All that I'd done. Afterwords, I felt like I could have. I was just afraid. I left things out. I didn't tell the whole truth. But hopefully there's still time for that. For now it's a step.

Quiet

I'm a quiet person. There are different types of quiet. Some people speak very quietly. And some just speak sparingly. Only when there is something important to say. I think I'm more the later.

Especially since when I get excited about something, I can suddenly get very loud, and talk very fast. A friend of mine speaks very softly and next to her I feel very loud, very...American. No wonder people think we're loud.

I can seriously go a whole day at work without saying a word. I enjoy it. The people I work with are all big talkers. They talk all day and say very little. It's a good thing I can wear my ear buds all day or they would drive me crazy. Liz, the admin who sits in the cubicle next to me, says her every thought out loud all day. She usually forgets I'm there. One day at lunch I opened a soda can, and she jumped 2 feet out of her chair. She had forgotten I was there and the sound surprised her.

When I was in college, we had these seminar style classes where we would sit around a table and discuss the literature we were reading. The professor would facilitate and everyone would just jump in. I never felt comfortable with that. I would wait and wait for a pause so I could say something. But there never was one. One of my teachers got to know me so well, she knew when I was ready to say something. She'd pause the discussion. Then she'd say something like, Jennifer will now tell us what's going on. And I would speak. Carefully, thoughtfully. There was some pressure. Like I had to come up with some earth shattering insight. But it just worked. She let me participate in my own way.

The pattern continued throughout college and then on into grad school. And in my working life. People think it's because I fear speaking in front of people. But it isn't at all. I was a teacher for 5 years. I've done plenty of public speaking. I just don't feel like I need to be talking all the time. Especially when I have no interest.

But here's some talking I have been doing lately. The missionaries have been coming over to teach me once a week. I've been to church three times. And my visiting teachers Myra and Shawna have visited me once too. The missionaries bring a brother from the ward with them. Mostly it's been Ben who is married to one of the Sarahs who came to visit as part of the Relief Society presidency. He's really nice. And the missionaries are adorable, and so sincere. One of them is just 18 since they are allowed to leave on their missions a year early now. It's been interesting. And emotional. I usually cry. I've also been reporting on these sessions to my therapist. She has been skeptical the more I tell her. I have doubts too. I mean, what do I believe? Did I stop believing all of it, or just some? Can I go back if I'm not all in?

Maybe I just want to go back because of the community. Since I moved up here, I haven't seen many of my friends. I dog sit for John and Pedro pretty regularly, but I usually show up after they've gone and leave just before they return. So it's the dogs I'm spending time with. More weekends without talking to anyone. They did get back early when I sat for them last time. So they took me out to lunch and we got to hang out for a little bit; then I stopped by to visit my parents. We watched the first part of the new Bible miniseries on the History Channel.

But the church thing is going well I think. Still not sure how involved I'll get. But it's nice to have visitors, that I actually enjoy.  Deep, important discussions with nice people. Then, alone again, in the quiet, I try to remember how to pray.

Finale

 It has been just over a week since the last episode of 30 Rock. I'm sad that there won't be any more, of course. But I have to say the writers came up with one of the most satisfying series finales ever. The last 3 episodes actually. *SPOILER ALERT* Liz Lemon and her husband Criss adopt 8 year old twins who look just like Jenna and Tracy. Kenneth ends up President of NBC, and in the very last scene he is shown in his office, far in the future, space ships passing outside the window, and he is receiving a pitch for a new show from a Miss Lemon, implying it is a great, great grandchild of Liz.
*END SPOILERS*

So now I have a set point in time for my 30 Rock fan fiction, after which I'll have to the make the rest up. I mean, most of it is made up, but there are points where I insert events/dialogue from the show, around which my own events take place. I just realized that I have been working on it now for about a year. It is 28 pages. And as I said, some of that is where I cheated and inserted actual show dialogue. I wrote a short scene at work a few days ago, and emailed it to myself so I could stick it in when I got home. But still 28 pages is hardly anything for a year. And it's not even good. There are tiny bits. A nice line here, a good joke there. But all in all, not much to show for it. And since this particular project will never see the light of day, I have to wonder if it hasn't just been a major waste of time. The other project I haven't really started. I just have a couple of placeholder notes. I'm thinking I might just have to end the fan fic just to clear some headspace for it.

I had my yearly performance review this week. And it was even more filled with praise than last year. It astonishes me. Because I know that I spend a lot of time falling asleep at my desk. Especially between 7-10 a.m. And obviously, I sometimes write scenes for my fic when I'm supposed to be working. But I do get my work done, and done properly. I guess that's enough. My boss even spoke to me about taking part in a leadership workshop they have in the company, which may lead to a future supervisory role. She said the words "career path" which made me shudder a little inside.

In other news, I've decided to go to church tomorrow. Nearly. I've very nearly decided to go to church tomorrow. Then again I was supposed to go to the Rugby 7s today. But when it came down to it I didn't feel like sitting in the wind for hours and hours by myself. Three ladies from my ward came to see me a couple of Sundays ago. They had stopped by before the holidays and I'd told them it would be okay if they came back, so they did. Turns out they were the Relief Society presidency. They sent out the big guns. We had a good talk about the things that have been bothering me, and ultimately led me to stop going to church. It was nice to voice my concerns and have a conversation about those things. Last weekend, Sarah texted to invite me to a Superbowl party, but I was going down to Mom and Dad's to watch with them. So I told Sarah I'd try to make it this Sunday. And if I'm going to do that, I should probably get to bed at a decent time. Like now.

Never You Mind

Much like 3 of the last 4 years, 2013 started out at Dan's New Year's party with Ralph, Kate, Dax and most of that gang. And George. Strangely George had a New Year's Eve off, which is almost unheard of for a less senior member of LV Metro PD. So I asked him to come along with me. Partially because it would be nice not to be out alone late at night on New Year's Eve, but also because he could buffer some of those awkward moments after the greetings and standard chat were replaced by a lack of things to talk about. I was glad he would finally get to meet Ralph as I'd talked to both of them about each other for ages.

We took separate cars from George's apartment after having Raisin' Cane's Chicken Fingers for dinner and watching some Doctor Who reruns. We arrived around 10pm and he followed me in the door. Ralph, Kate and Dax were all standing at the entrance to the living room, and immediately greeted us. Dax had actually been outside when we were parking, but I didn't recognize him in the dark. He had walked from his house. "Hey," he said, "I thought that was your MINI." Dax's parents Connie and Ladd are in the MINI Club with me. I introduced George to the three of them.

Keir's friend Dave came over when he saw me and said, "Hey, you're here... Keir's friend. Is he here?"
"Not that I know of," I said, as Ralph confirmed he was not with a shake of his head. A look of disappointment flashed over Dave's face, then he smiled and moved back into the crowd in the other room. In a way I had hoped to see Keir and not to see him at the same time. I was hoping just to know if he was doing okay after seeing him in such a bad way last year. I was glad however that there would be no more awkward moments with him trying to dance with me, and/or stealing my shoe and tossing it across the room. And as much as I'd confided in George about him, I did not want George to meet him if he was as wasted as he normally was at this party. Everyone I talked to was as much in the dark as I about Keir's current situation. I understood his absence; he was probably worried Janice would be there with her new husband and wanted to avoid them. But she was not there either. Ralph said he had heard from somewhere that Keir's mom had died. He didn't say where he heard this, but that was all he knew. We wondered whether he would still stay living with his stepdad or if he was off on his own somewhere. No one had seen him at all in the whole year. Ralph said there was a sort of rift developing between some of their group. Dan and Violet were on a trip to Hawaii in October instead of at Janice's wedding. Surely they knew when it was going to be. There were a few other notable absences as well. It's common though, isn't it, I posited, that when people get married they have a whole new group of friends and family and spend more time with them than their old friends? Ralph said he guessed so.

George and I spotted Dan, in his Mets jersey as usual, playing host. We moved toward him but he was too quick. It was almost midnight by the time we tracked him down to talk about the Mets. We talked about our excitement for the 51's which will be the Mets AAA team starting this spring. His brothers Joe and Mike were hospitable co-hosts, saying hi and offering drinks and thanking us for coming. I introduced George and they were very welcoming.

Ralph showed me the Tardis bank he had brought for Joel and I got to show off my Tardis watch that George had given to me and pictures of the amazing Tardis cake. Joel and Sandra are two of those people who I just never knew what to say to them. But once Whovianism was found to be a common trait, we were excited to share in it.

Fortunately George is very outgoing compared to me and got into several conversations about his police work. We talked to Johanna who teaches 6th grade in North Las Vegas and I was disconcerted to learn that the gangs actually approach special needs students to join their gangs because they are easily manipulated and make good scapegoats!  Also the gangs have rush weeks like fraternities to get new members when there is a spike in drug activity and violence in the school. Johanna was understandably weary as she and George discussed this. "At least we don't get a lot of pregnancies with my 6th graders," she said matter-of-factly. "That's mostly the 8th graders." And I was just standing there incredulous. She said that the parents of these kids so nothing to curb their children's behavior unless the offense was the most serious possible - disrespecting the teachers! That is absolutely not tolerated. Johanna said that whenever she spoke to a parent of a misbehaving student, she made sure to emphasize the disrespect that was shown. The gangs operate on a strict code of respect and disrespecting another gang's members is often the source of the worst violence. Then the sobering discussion was set aside, along with the many tragedies of 2012. And we resumed trying to enjoy ourselves.

Martin was in charge of the music as usual and played the traditional songs including Tom Jones's "Delilah", Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline," Billy Joel's, "Only the Good Die Young," and of course Gladys Knight's "Midnight Train to Georgia" to which I sang the alternate lyrics from 30 Rock "....I missed it...I missed that Midnight Train to Georgia! It was at 11:45 and I was misinformed about the time...Misinformed about the time, never even got to stand in line!"loudly into George's ear, making both of us laugh. George and I alternately bobbed up and down side by side and went out to the backyard to stand near the fire-pit and talk to random people about random stuff like movies and TV shows, especially Sherlock where someone told us that the most devoted fans of Benedict Cumberbatch were referred to as Cumberbitches!

There was another guy from New York named Mike. He was now working as a court officer here in town so he and George had a lot to talk about. Actually, around 1am as we were starting to say good night and make our way to the door, this Mike (not to be confused with Dan's brother) continued chatting to George even though he was putting on his coat and trying to edge his way out. Mike mentioned his years working in Brooklyn South for NYPD and that when he came here he didn't want to go through another police academy, so he went to the TSA before becoming a court officer. Oh, he worked TSA too, I said, referring to George. He was going on about the crazy things he saw at the courthouse, especially in the child custody cases in the family court. Finally we were able to make our exit. I had already said  good night to Dan, Mike, Joe, Dax and Joel. Ralph and Kate had left just after midnight.

Outside George told me that the Mike he had been talking to worked at TSA when he did, and didn't remember him. But George remembered that he was rumored to be in trouble for stalking one of his co-workers. Hmm, that's weird, I said. Not that I knew this guy at all. I just saw him every year at this party and didn't know what his connection was to Dan and the rest. All in all, George and I had a nice time, he got to meet some of my friends and we got to celebrate the New Year together.

Pretty Good Year

12/29/71
So it's my birthday. My 41st, as my mom reminded me by writing and circling the number 41 on my birthday card. We actually did my birthday thing yesterday since George works Saturdays. Mom and Dad had some casino holiday party to go to. They can't skip out on a free buffet. So we didn't even end up eating since George and I had each had a late-ish lunch. I'm staying with the dogs at John and Pedro's so it was a pretty quiet day.

I headed over to Mom and Dad's around 6:00. Me and George watched a movie, Fright Night with David Tennant! and just hung out until they got home around 8:00. George told me I was not allowed to look in the fridge. Um... okay, I said.

Finally Mom and Dad arrived and they gave me the birthday card with a gift card inside. Then it was time for George's big reveal. He told Dad to cover my eyes. I was sat down at the kitchen counter. I heard George and my Mom whispering. Finally they were ready and Dad took his hands away. What I saw was a Tardis, lying on its side on the counter. "Oh, it's the Tardis!" I said. George looked at me expectantly, as I peered at it. "It's a cake!" he blurted excitedly. I did a double take. A cake made in the shape of the Tardis! It was red velvet, I was told. Painstakingly crafted in fondant, down to the little keyhole on the door, the perfect shade of Tardis blue, the Police Public Call Box banner around the top, the windows, the Pull to Open sign. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen! And I've seen a giant cake shaped like a MINI. But this, the level of detail was splendid. Except one thing, as George pointed out. No blue light on the top.  In the photo he had given them you couldn't see it. It was mounted on a styrofoam platform. "Oh my god," I said, "We can't eat this! It's too beautiful."

"What do you mean we're not going to eat it?" Mom said. "We have to. It's your cake!" George said the bakery folks had told him to leave it out of the fridge for 3 hours before eating so the fondant could soften. It still had an hour to go so I agreed to take pictures of it now, and then in an hour we would cut it open. But there was more. George had placed a large box wrapped in blue paper with an orange ribbon and bow. Mets colors! "Open it!" he encouraged. I took the box and pulled off the ribbon and started unfolding the paper at the corners. It was a plain white box about the size a large fancy hat might be put in, but it was heavy. I put it down and lifted the lid. Inside was a yellow envelope that said "New York Mets, City Field, Flushing, New York." Under that was a bubble wrapped object with a sticker that said Mets Amazing Memorabilia. I looked at George who was beaming with pride. I opened the bubble wrap and pulled out a large rubbery object. It was first base! Actually first base from Citi Field! One of them at least, that was used in a game in August of 2009, the inaugural season of the new ballpark. It still had dirt on it! I was dumbstruck.  I looked at the base in my hands. I looked at George. "Say Thank You," my Mom urged. I put the base down and gave George a big hug. "Thanks Goob!"

After taking many photos we finally cut open the Tardis to find the yummy red velvet cake. We sliced off the bottom segment of the police box and then cut that into four large pieces. It doesn't look that big from the outside, but we calculated you could probably feed 20 people from it.  Bigger on the inside! "This cake really needs a party," I said. But as long as I can remember, birthdays have always just been us four. With the cake cut open we could see that the fondant Tardis panels were applied to the cake with a layer of buttercream. The inside of the cake had the usual cream cheese icing. I didn't want to each the fondant. I said we should save them and then reassemble the Tardis later, but George had already eaten some of his. We put the rest of the cake into the giant box my 1st base was in so it would travel safely. At the end of the evening I put it in the front seat of the MINI. I put the base in a shopping back to head back to the dogs.

Today, I took the day to go shopping. When I left the shops I drove home to drop off my purchases even though it was out of my way. I already have quite a lot of stuff to carry when I leave John and Pedro's tomorrow including the gifts the guys got for me for Christmas and my birthday. All that, and I get to hang out with the dogs. That's a pretty good weekend so far.

Now some review of other happenings this year.

The Mets
As per usual, had a good first half, then faded quickly in the second. But we did have a no-hitter this year, thrown by Johan Santana, and a 20-game winner AND Cy Young winner in R.A. Dickey. Sadly, the Mets took advantage of Dickey's pinnacle of value and traded him in the offseason to Toronto for some prospects. With him went Josh Thole and Mike Nickeas, all of whom I'm sad to see go. Hopefully the prospects will work out for us. Ike Davis passed 30 homers after a god-awful start. And David Wright hit over 20 for the first time since Citi Field opened. David signed a big contract which will likely keep him a Met for the rest of his career. Some say he was paid too much, but I think in an age where you can lose a batting title winner (Jose Reyes) and a Cy Young winner (R.A. Dickey) in consecutive years, there's a lot of value in having both a team and a player committed to their fans for the long haul. I love David as a player. Though his power numbers are down, he's still hitting for a high average and his fielding at 3rd base is as good as ever.  His leadership in the clubhouse is integral. And as a person, he contributes a lot to the community, doing amazing charity work, and it seems he is still more humble than anyone in his position can be expected to be.

Work
At work, I've had an up and down year. My depression has been rearing its ugly head in the office at the most inconvenient times. I've taken a step back from my co-workers. But lately I've been getting a lot of recognition for my actual work which includes two raises and a promotion. So that's good. I'm coming to the realization that this may be my career. Not there yet, but coming.

TV
Doctor Who
This year, George started watching Doctor Who which is really exciting for me because it's another thing to bond over. George got me a bunch of Doctor Who stuff for Christmas, which he was so excited to give me, which made it even greater. On the show, we said good-bye to Amy and Rory and hello to Clara/Oswin. Still with the 11th Doctor.

30 Rock

The final season is about halfway over. Each episode will be accompanied by the dread of the impending end. But the episodes so far are as good as ever. Liz Lemon got married dressed as Princess Leia! Kenneth is finally free of the evil Miss Wassername. Jenna also got married at Jack's mother's funeral. Seriously, this happened. I belatedly discovered this show last year, but now I can't imagine not knowing those characters. Especially Kenneth.

Movies
Wreck-It Ralph

It's brilliant! It's John C. Reilly as Ralph, Jack McBrayer as Fix-it Felix, and an entire brilliant cast of voice actors. An adorable underdog story and tale of friendship. I'm obsessed. I have the toys.

Books
Sadly, I haven't read much this year. I don't know why. Things just seem to get in the way. I have a list so I hope to get cracking on it in 2013. I checked my Amazon purchase list and it seemed all but one of the books I read this year was a memoir; Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling, R.A. Dickey, Elna Baker, Fred Stoller, and Rachel Dratch. And Chris Hardwick's The Nerdist Way was a sort of hybrid memoir/self help. Weird because last year was such a good year for fiction.  I did get to meet Jennifer Egan at the book festival though, so that was pretty cool. She gave a reading from A Visit to the Goon Squad. We talked about Jake! Oh, honorable mention to The Influencing Machine, an astonishing graphic non-fiction work by Brooke Gladstone from On the Media and Josh Neufeld.

Music
Muse released a new album and me and George have tickets for their show here in March. Glee is still loads of fun. The Book of Mormon, the Musical is fantastic. I liked Keane's Strangeland. MINI Takes the States was a good time for road trip play lists. Also driving down to Dodger Stadium with Dad

Pets

I got the turtles this year. Sidney and Scout. They are a handful, but fun.

Games, Social Media, etc.
I've pretty much abandoned FarmVille for The Sims Free Play. My Kenneth and Jennifer Sims got married on 12/12/12. I joined Pinterest, Instagram and Pose and use them hardly ever. I haven't been to Second Life all year. I hardly tweet or check Facebook unless I get a personal message. I did however reconnect with an old friend from Germany through Linked-In so that's nice.

General Well-Being
Not bad, but not great. I've changed medications again after a long time. My sleep is better. My fitness level is not good. I've ridden the bike some more. But I'm having some back issues that prevent me from walking for a long time. And there's this weird numbness/burning sensation in my left thigh when I wake up in the morning. I've made an appointment with Dr. Chinn. It's all the damn sitting at work and the commuting. Things go downhill fast in that respect.

I don't want to end on a downer as I have a tendency to do when I look back. So I guess I can say that I've been making an effort to write more. Not always getting it done, but it's something I think about everyday. I've had some ideas, and actually written them down. I got the best new laptop. And I'm doing some research. It's slow going, but still worth doing I think. We'll see what the new year brings.
In the meantime, there's this! Sim wedding!

And This!

George gave me this Fix-it Felix doll as a pre-Christmas gift in the weirdest way possible.
He texted me the following from work:
George: Hey Goob, did you do something wrong? Someone is here in my office and says he heard you were my sister so he figured he would come see me.
Me: Huh? No...
George: He said not to worry though, he can "fix-it!"
Then he sent me the above picture of Felix on his desk at work. He scared the crap out of me. I was trying to remember if I'd run any red lights recently.