New Year's Eve

So the year ended as it began, in a crowd of people in the middle of Dan Bunin's family room. All day I prepared. I got a new coat and scarf in case I ended up standing out in the backyard in the cold. I got a new clutch so I could have my technology at my side. I got dressed in my carefully chosen outfit, and arrived, fashionably late. And promptly fell down the steps into the living room.

I spotted Kate first. Then Ralph. I gladly greeted them. And we chatted. Ralph introduced his friend Rob who sometimes helps out at his store. We took some pictures. And then I noticed him. Keir was now in the living room, showing someone his portfolio. Now on his new iPhone! He'd grown his hair long again. And he looked good. Healthy. It was a relief seeing he was okay. But I'd have to try not to pay him too much attention. Indeed I wasn't there for him.

I greeted Janice, and Joe and Dan and Mike and a few of the others. I stayed close to Ralph as usual. But eventually I greeted Keir. "Hey, how are you?" "Good, you?" "Good." "I thought I might see you here," he said. Momentarily I wondered. Was he glad?

So just like last year, I milled around, and felt awkward, and talked to a few new people and some familiar ones. I did bits of catching up. I work at the Test Site now, blah, blah, blah. Some good music played and some not so good. I danced a bit. Especially when a block of songs off the Glee album were played. We sang along, and danced and there was much drinking. And Janice had Barb with her. A bit of her ashes enclosed in a silver charm hanging from her neck.

Late into the night, Keir requested a special song. And he and Janice danced. They were both drunk, I think, and maybe for those few minutes they were back in that place; Keir held her tightly, as they swayed and teetered around the floor. I winced and stood against the wall. But I knew it was right, the two of them. And even though it went wrong, it never went away.

I stayed very nearly to the end. Because I didn't know what else to do. Or because I couldn't leave until I was sure it would hold me over until next time. In case another year goes by. I got Keir's new phone number. And hugged each of those who were left. In the living room, Janice was crying. Another time I'd stumbled into her at a bad moment. It was time to go. And I gingerly made my way back down the street to my car.

And it didn't matter what I wore. Not to anyone but me. Which, I guess, is the point anyway.