Obsessions and Confessions

I have a confession. I never watched 30 Rock until a few weeks ago when I started watching it on Netflix. I powered through the whole first season in a weekend. I can't believe how funny it is, and that I had no idea. They just started their 6th season! There are a couple of possible reasons. One, I have never been too crazy about Tracy Morgan. And two, I think I sort of gave up on sitcoms. Aside from Big Bang Theory, I only watch hour-long dramas. Part of it is because if you don't like the sitcom on after, and there's a DVR conflict with what you want to record before and after, it's tricky. So we only watch things in one hour blocks. But oh boy, what I have been missing! I feel like an idiot which can only be remedied by the fact that I have a lovely new obsession...Kenneth the Page!

Played by Jack McBrayer, Kenneth is the over-eager NBC page assigned to Liz Lemon's (Tina Fey) show, TGS with Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan). He's from Stone Mountain, Georgia and has the strong Georgia accent to match; a young man who grew up on a pig farm, and moved to New York to follow his show business dreams. He loves only two things: "Everyone, and television." And he is hilarious. And good-hearted, and gullible, and full of bizarre ideas. He just wants to take care of everyone at TGS, no matter how ridiculous their needs and demands. And he has this smile...this brilliant, sometimes a little creepy, but beautiful smile.

I've been having a rough time at work lately. And some days, all I could think about was getting home to watch some more 30 Rock and seeing what my lovely Kenneth is up to. I have been squeezing in 2 episodes, sometime 3, a night during the week. Then the marathons on the weekends. I just finished Season 4 last night.

I didn't mean to write a TV review, there is plenty out there about the brilliance of this show. Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin, who plays Liz Lemon's network boss Jack Donaghy,  have each won several Emmys, Golden Globes and SAG awards. And Jack McBrayer was nominated for an Emmy himself for playing Kenneth.  It just goes to show how there is so much out there, so many choices, that something like this could escape my notice all this time. But I've found it now. And I'm in love!

In other news, the Jehova's witnesses came to my door a couple of Saturday's ago. I saw two women carrying bibles and figured they were from the ward. But it was this mother and daughter who came to offer me a bible study. I talked to them for a little while through the crack in the doorway; I was in my pajamas still. I ended up telling them one of the reasons I stopped going to church was because I had conflicts with the church's views on homosexuals. I was getting ready to go over to John and Pedro's in fact to sit with the dogs. The younger woman gave me a copy of Watchtower. It had a picture of the destruction in Haiti from the recent earthquake and asked the question: are natural disasters punishment from God? Yeah, that crazy stuff. I politely took the pamphlet anyway. The older woman shuffled through her stack of Watchtowers and pulled out one that addressed God's real intentions for sex. First the daughter tried to discourage her from handing me that one. Obviously, as someone who accepts and cares about gay people and their rights, I was probably not going to appreciate something saying that sex is strictly for procreation and nothing else. She gave it to me anyway, as if it could really change my mind. After they left, I put them in the recycling pile. Then I went down to John and Pedro's. I'm here now again as the guys had to go to San Francisco. And after the bad day I had on Thursday, the puppies were a sight for sore eyes. Literally. My eyes were like swollen slits from an episode of crying I had at work during this team building seminar. It just set me off for some reason. Afterwards I talked to Theresa and we determined it might have to do with the hostility I feel in the office due to all the right wing wackos. Anyway, ruined my day. I woke up yesterday, eyes still sore, and then I came to see my puppies. They always make me feel better. The puppies and Kenneth. I just want to give them all a big squeeze. Funny thing is, Kenneth is one of those Southern Christian fundamentalists, he says the wackiest stuff sometimes, but everyone at TGS, in the midst of the liberal bastion of New York media, just smiles and loves him anyway. How could you not?


Addendum: I finished Season 5 of 30 Rock shortly after writing this.  Season 6 is only 4 episodes in, and I'm all caught up!

Missionary Man

This almost slipped my mind, but a few weeks ago I was walking back from the mailbox and two young men on bikes came to a stop near me and said hello. They were dressed alike; along with their bike helmets, they were wearing black pants, white shirts and name tags. The missionaries!

Hello, I responded. And then I looked up at them, "The missionaries, Oh I love the missionaries!" They were surprised by this response. One of them said, "Do you talk to a lot of missionaries?" I laughed. "No, but I'm LDS so..." They asked me which ward I belonged to. I told them that I'd just moved here, but I thought I'd be in the Meadows 11th Ward. "I haven't been there yet," I said, "because I'm still trying to get myself together here. But I'll probably end up there eventually." They introduced themselves as Elder so and so and his companion. I told them my first name only. I didn't want them looking me up. I wasn't ready to commit. They told me that the ward would be meeting earlier after the first of the year, 9am for sacrament. They were currently meeting at 11. Darn, I thought. It'd be a lot easier to make an 11am sacrament meeting. To ease myself into getting up on Sundays. Oh well. I let them go on their way telling them to have fun and stay warm.

So, I'm LDS. I think. Then at the party last weekend I was talking to Dax. He had poured a little something in his red solo cup. I asked him what he had there. He told me some fancy something or other he wanted to try. I had a bottle of water and when he asked if I wanted something else, "Oh, I don't drink," I said. Oh really? Like ever? or just not often? Ever, I said. I used to be Mormon. (So now I used to be Mormon.) You used to be, so you're not anymore. Right, I said. But you still have some of the habits. Yeah. (But I don't know why I said that to him. I never drank, even before I was Mormon. I hadn't just stopped when I converted.) Then he goes, so tell me something you do that's bad. Everyone has something. Hmm, something came to mind right away. But I said, I probably shouldn't say. This intrigued him, but he didn't push. We just chatted about how there are many things that can be harmful, drinking, but other stuff too. I think we both thought of Keir in the other room. It was definitely harming him.

So I'm thinking: Is it a sign, meeting the missionaries? But of what? I told them I'm LDS. I told Dax I wasn't anymore. If anything it's a sign of my indecision. I have much to think about, but I'm taking my time.

Made to Last

Yesterday as I curled up on the sofa re-watching episodes of Glee and playing Farmville, I debated whether I should go to the New Year's party. I told my mom I was going, so I'd ruled out going down to the parents house and seeing in the new year alone in the living room. Mom would be there, but she'd be asleep by then. I took a shower and did my errands then put my sweats on. I didn't have to go anywhere. It was perfectly fine to spend New Year's Eve alone, just enjoying the quiet of my new place. Last year, I had been at Pedro's with the puppies. So not alone if you count dogs. But it would be nice to get out, just to hang out with Ralph and Kate and Dax and talk to Dan about the Mets. No other expectations. But as it got later, it was harder and harder to get myself to get off the sofa. But at 10:00 I was decided. If I didn't go now, it'd be too late. I went upstairs, got dressed and tried to calm my nerves. Why was I nervous? It should be fairly mellow. No Janice meant no Keir. My plan was clear. Just stand around by the wall swaying to the music and holding up a bottle of water in the toast at midnight. Then head home and get a good night's sleep.

But Keir was there. I walked in and saw him to my left in the living room, face flushed red with inebriation. Ralph and Kate were in front of me and came to greet me at the door. I hugged them each in turn. Then Ralph half-whispered to me, in case I hadn't noticed, that Keir was there. He was stumbling towards us. "Oh, hey," I said, giving him a quick hug. "Nice to see you." He said the same. Though I was skeptical that he even recognized me. I moved on into the party. Ralph, as ever my faithful buffer, said that Keir had turned up early maybe around 7, already drunk. We shook our heads. It was terrible to see him like that, but what could we do? I met Johanna in the kitchen doorway and she recognized me as Keir's friend, asking if I knew he was here. I said, yeah, but he's not really aware at the moment. Yeah, that happens, she said shrugging. Kate had a little wine buzz going, not too much, just enough to make her a bit more happy and chatty. I could tell Ralph was glad to have another sober person to talk to. I found Dax too and stayed talking to him and Ralph, and Kate when she wasn't wandering off. We stayed in a little cluster in the kitchen. Every time Keir was nearby I managed to wander away, or look elsewhere. At midnight, the hugging and kissing and New Year's toasts in progress, he appeared again, so I hugged him awkwardly and turned to find Kate.

I hadn't had a chance to say hi to Dan yet, even though his brother Mike made a point of coming over to hug me twice and say he was glad I had made it. Another half hour and Ralph and Kate decided to head home. I wasn't going to stay long either, I'd decided. I met a guy outside who was wearing the same Fluevogs I was, just in a different color. So we amused ourselves with a conversation about our favorite shoes. They last forever, we agreed.

I was pulled onto the dance floor a few times by people I didn't know. Martin was playing good music. I was having fun and I wasn't anxious about Keir. I wasn't paying much attention to him at all. But then, he came to find me. I felt his hands on my waist. He was trying to dance with me. He came around and took my hands saying, you know this song, this is the best song. He twirled me around a couple of times and we tripped over each other. I tried to dance casually apart from him, but he kept taking my hand and we tried to dance some more, badly. After a few times he took my elbow and beckoned me to follow him into the living room. He seemed like he wanted to talk. But I let him go and he seemed to forget about me. I moved outside, then back into the kitchen; I just kept moving. Finally it was unavoidable, Keir pulled me into the living room and we sat down on one of the sofas. I asked him how he was. He asked me if he was being a jerk, if he was always being a jerk, or even better, an asshole. I told him I haven't seen him in two years. But back then, he continued. I was a jerk back then. Yeah, you were, I said. I've always been a jerk he said. Yeah, well, I said. No, tell me I'm an asshole. I shook my head. I think that's a bit strong. I'm too polite to say that. Well don't, he said. Don't be polite.

He leaned against me, then reached over and pulled off my shoe. Then he tossed it into the dining room. I sat there, one shoe off. Go get my shoe, I said. No, he said. Finally, I got up and collected my shoe. You are an asshole, I said.

Later back outside, I met Fluevog guy again. I grabbed Keir and pulled him over. Look, I said, we have the same shoes. Shoe buddies! someone said. You know what, I said to Fluevog guy. He took my Fluevog and threw it across the room. Why'd you do that man? he said to Keir. And then, he wouldn't go get it for me, I continued. I was going to, he said, but then you got it. I rolled my eyes and looked at him, teasing, as if to say 'whatever.'

A while later I finally got to talk to Dan. As he was the host, I didn't want to leave without at least talking with him for a little bit. We commiserated about the Mets, and the loss of Jose Reyes. Keir had wandered off back to the living room, where someone reported he was crying. I was outside talking to Johanna and she said, you know there comes a point where you can't say it's not your fault anymore. I agreed. I don't like to give up on people you know. I don't want to give up on him. He's obviously taking Janice's engagement pretty hard. Dan came over and said that he had been dropped off without making arrangements to get home. Violet said they should probably call him a cab now, and then give him the money to get home. Agreed, Dan said. Johanna and I both made a move to get our coats. I came back with my coat on and thanked Dan for his hospitality. I found Keir on the patio, sitting alone at the table. I put my hand on his shoulder. Hey, I said. I'm gonna head home. Take care okay? You're going, he said, sounding hurt. I bent down and hugged him quickly. I thought I heard him mumble "I love you," into my shoulder. I shook my head, waved good-bye, and turned to walk out. I realized on the way back to my car that I'd forgotten to say good-night to Dax, but I figured he'd forgive me. I had stayed way later than I'd meant to. It was almost 3am. I got in the car and headed home. I went straight up to bed. As I fell asleep I thought it was a decent night out. And that I guess I really could go to the party, just for me, whether he was there or not. And if he was, it wasn't my job to babysit him, but I could at least be kind. It was only once a year.