Regrets

Another birthday. It's usually the time to reflect on the year. How things have changed, how they've stayed the same. Here's a change: I've gained about 25 pounds this year. And what's stayed the same? I'm still trying to pretend I don't care, and I'm still being held hostage by a bloody number.

And here's something else, I spent most of the day at work yesterday trying to get up the courage to do something, take action on something I've been thinking about for years. Maybe my birthday is the time to do it. But you know what? The day doesn't matter. It's just a point in time, one that comes and goes just like any other. Waking up and making a decision is one thing. Acting on it is all that matters.

Change is never convenient, it doesn't come like clockwork. It doesn't come at all, it must be forced. And year after year I find that I'm still just not brave enough.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Singing in the Rain/Umbrella

This week Southern Nevada got one of those heavy, heavy rainfalls that come around very seldom. In Vegas, Henderson and up at the Test Site it came pouring down for three days. It had rained a bit the previous weekend and I had been able to take out my new Burberry umbrella for the first time. But this was just a drizzle compared to this past week. I broke out the trench and the rain hat as well.

I enjoyed the rain for the most part. I just didn't like having to drive to N. LV in it in the morning. But when I got off the bus at the end of the day, Rory was shining with freshly beaded water running off of him.

It's so dry here that we need a nice big rain every now and then. To clean the roads, wash away the dust and just remind us that there's weather.

Falling Down

Last weekend, aside from haunting the hot spots around Henderson, I made my first forays out into the holiday shopping fray. I went to the Shoppes at the Palazzo to see if there was anything good on sale. I saw a couple of things, but I ended up being good. I managed to get out of there without buying anything, though not for lack of trying. The skull charm bracelet I wanted from Links of London was on sale, but they didn't have the right color. And of course nothing was on sale at Burberry. So I made it out safe. Until the next day.

I hit the outlet stores. It was a long slow winding line up to the roof of the parking structure. But I found a spot where a man was putting his bags in his car and getting ready to leave. I put my blinker on to wait for him. And he had a stroller, and then he had to get back out to look for something in the backseat. And then it looked like he was going to make a phone call, all of which he had a right to do of course. I sat there there thinking, seriously? but reminded myself to be patient. I was rewarded with a good spot that where I thought Rory would be safe.

First off from the stairs was the Burberry outlet. I quickly ducked inside. It was packed. I found a big pile of hats on clearance. And then a beautiful silk scarf for 50% off. And a cute compact umbrella complete with a clam shell case. All of it was on sale, but I still ended up spending almost $400! Woops. And none of it was on gifts.

Then, I hit the Cole Haan outlet where they had their traditional Black Friday weekend deals, 50% off plus an additional 20% with my VIP coupon. How can you go wrong? I realized that I was breaking my Purse embargo. I had made it a whole 5 months. I figured it was okay though, because I spent less than $200, on a bag which I'd been waiting for it to go on sale. So my embargo had new rules, no "expensive" handbags for 6 months. Okay then. Still on track for that. Then I went to Kipling, and of course I had predetermined that Kipling bags don't count.

It was a bit naughty, but not too bad. Me and George had already decided what we were going to get mom and dad so there was no pressure to be figuring out the gifts.

Tuesday once we had internet again, I got a steal in the Hayden-Harnett sale. "Expensive" bag embargo still intact. This weekend I knew I would have to take it easy though. I stayed home Friday, aside from my errand at the bank and a quick stop for red velvet hot cocoa. Man that stuff is good.

I had to get out of the house today though. I needed the exercise. After the weekend with Hina, I've been really noticing that I've been feeling worn out doing regular things that never used to tire me out. And the recent struggle finding jeans has brought home to me the reality that I'm actually putting on a bunch of weight. I can't deny it any longer, or pretend that I don't care.

So I'd walk. I'd walk the mall. I visited Saks and checked out what they had on sale there. A few tempting options. But I made it out empty handed. They had a some good sales on bags at Macy's. Again, I refrained. I went upstairs to the women's dept. I tried on 4 pairs of jeans, and found one that fit as well as I'd probably be able to expect. I called it a victory. I picked up a couple of sweaters too after much debate. This one Lauren Ralph Lauren sweater vest was on sale, but still expensive. I decided to go for it. The lady at the register had me apply for a Macy's card. Again I was declined as I expected, but it got me another 25% off. So not bad.

I went into Neiman's and found some cool shoes on sale. Then in the bag department, I resisted temptation and only bought a pretty Diane Von Furstenberg scarf (on sale). So far, all but the jeans were on sale. But there was another type of damage.

In Macy's I bent over to pick something up, and my back was not happy. I remembered that the same thing had happened to me the last time I was in Macy's. And I'd felt tired after walking the mall for a short time. Just like today. When I was trying on the shoes in Neiman's I had a bit of a hard time bending down to take off my socks. Damn. I headed back to the car to drop off my bags. I waved off a lady who wanted my parking space.

I headed to the food court to get something to eat and drink. Mostly I was way thirsty. I went to Wendy's and got a burger and a big Dr. Pepper. Then I slowly made my way back down the mall. I reminded myself to take it easy. I went into LeSportsac and got a weekender bag (not a purse) which was also on sale. I went into Claire's to check out the Glee trinkets. There was some cute stuff. I thought it was all on sale, but the things I got ended up not being on sale. Only a few dollars though. Finally I went back to Nordstrom and headed up to women's. I got a top, and Ingrid, my favorite sales lady, gave me a really big shopping bag. It came in handy later when I picked up another couple of gifts. A second Burberry umbrella (I know! but it was blue!), and a Marc by Marc scarf with the print I had admired on those nylon totes. So cute! Then, aaahhh, it was time to go home. I left the bags in the car until Mom and Dad went out. Then I realized that I'd go quite a bit of stuff. And I still have to go out with George tomorrow and get Mom's birthday gift. And I have to get his too.

Hopefully I won't feel too wrecked when I get out of bed tomorrow. Hopefully, I can do it without falling down.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

We Float/Float On

Sitting at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in the District. Just had the most yummy red velvet hot cocoa. Can't believe I drank it all already. It's just a bummer they require a password here now. I can't be online with my iPod and iPad at the same time. I guess people were taking advantage. I guess I'll have to move on to a Starbucks to finish my work since I logged on with my iPod first and now I can't use the code again. I want to find out where another Coffee Bean is though. This red velvet cocoa is goooood!

I want to get an evite sent out for the STC Christmas party. I don't want to, but I should, I really should. I want to get some other stuff done as well, so I have to make some other stops. What else? I have to go to Lane Bryant, see if I can exchange those jeans, and if there is anything else I want to buy during this sale.

I might pop over to the Walking Company. They are having a tax free sale. I don't know if anything is marked down, or it's just the tax thing. Cause that would only be 8.1% which isn't much of a sale.

I can't believe what an inconvenience it is not to have internet at the house for a whole weekend. I wanted to do some shopping. I missed out on the sales Friday because I didn't have a secure wifi hotspot. You can't risk going around using your credit card on public wifi.

At least the Giants won today. Dad woke me up by yelling ,"No!" when the Jaguars quarterback ran the ball in for a touchdown in the 2nd quarter. I was already awake, but hearing him made me turn on the TV, and then come down stairs, and eat pancakes, and...well it's too late now, I'm up. That's the way it happens. It would be nice if I could go to bed when I want and then not be forced to get up. I mean, it's the weekend.

It would also be nice if these podcasts would hurry up and download. I can't believe how slow it is. Jeez. I guess when these are done I'll move on. I finished my cocoa long ago now. Darn it, I should have just downloaded these podcasts on my iPad and then I could have transferred them via iTunes. Too late now.

Have now checked in via FourSquare and Facebook. That's really sad. No one actually cares where I am.

I guess those two episodes of Marketplace are videos? But they should still be able to download. Hmm. Anyway, this last one is almost done. Guess I should wrap this up.

More later....

So I went to Lane Bryant and had a fight with a few pairs of jeans. Resigning myself to defeat, I got a couple of cozy sweaters and called it a day for shopping. I scooted up to the Panera Bread on the next corner, to get lunch, and use the bathroom, but I discovered they also have wifi. So I grabbed my iPad, ordered a tomato and mozzarella panini and found a table. Forgot I had to go to the bathroom. But I had food coming, I couldn't leave the table when the server would be looking for me. So I stayed to eat. I did manage to get off the evite for the STC party, but I couldn't get the message section of the invitation form to work. I also couldn't check the guest list to see if I needed to make changes, so I hope it's close to being right. After eating and staying as long as seemed reasonable after finishing, I took my pit stop and then went back out to the car. I couldn't get anything on my phone. No FourSquare, no google, nothing. So frustrating! My phone is supposed to be the one thing I can rely on in a pinch, with no wifi in sight and it couldn't manage even that. I tried to look up the next nearest Coffee Bean to hit next, but I couldn't make a connection. I ended up trying the Starbucks at Target, but it had no wifi. Then I stopped at the ATM and now I'm back at the Starbucks at Pebble. I can't imagine what I would've done otherwise.

Okay, podcasts almost downloaded now. What else to I need to do before heading home? I know there will be something I forget. I sent Kate a message to make sure she was on the evite list as she changed her email recently.

I guess I should get home so I can make the TV listing for this week. Dexter has already started. Mom is probably annoyed that I didn't come home for dinner. I'm not hungry anyway. I'm full of panini and cocoa and tea lattes. Hopefully I won't float away.





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:W Pebble,Henderson,United States

Generator

Last weekend, Hina, my best friend from high school came to visit me here in Vegas for the first time with her family. I'd been to visit her back home in New York a couple of times last year. It was really good to see her, and the kids, whom I love. I was glad to be able to show them around this place where I've lived for 6 years now. They found the scale of it overwhelming. Especially Thaiba and Thaha. It was fun to see their eyes light up at the huge canyon of light that is the Strip.

I met up with them Wednesday night and we went to get dinner at an Afghani restaurant they had found on the internet; they had already called in an order. Now that I know where it is, we can go there again next time they visit. Or maybe just Hina will visit.

After that we took a quick drive up the Strip to check out the general sights, and then it was back to their hotel to hang out for a while before calling it a night. I'd worked that day so I was getting knackered.

We met the next morning in the food court at New York, New York, or fake New York as I like to call it. We just has some donuts and Starbucks at the corner of "Greenwich Street." We took a picture of Thaiba knocking on the fake front door of number 22.

Our game plan for the day was to walk across to M&Ms World and then to the Coke Store in that little mall on the front of the MGM. We had the idea of trying to get tickets for some show. David Copperfield was on the wish list, but my Mom didn't have any discounts and his show is pretty expensive. We tried the half-price ticket kiosk, and then Saad and I walked to the Flamingo to see if we could get free tickets to Nathan Burton with this coupon they had found. The free tickets were out. So we gave up on the magic show idea. We met back up at Planet Hollywood for lunch at this Mexican Place called Cabo Wabo. It was mediocre, but Hina chose it because they didn't want to walk any further. She is still having a lot of trouble with her breathing and can't walk too far at any one time.

We walked a bit further on to the Paris, and Saad and Thaha went back to the hotel to re-charge the camera and get the car. Hina, Thaiba and I walked around the Paris for a bit and then intended to meet the guys at the front entrance in the car. They said they'd be a while. We decided instead just to grab the Monorail from the Paris back to MGM and cross the street back to the hotel and meet them.

I haven't been on the Monorail before, and didn't realize that it's actually very far from the entrance of the Paris. You have to walk all the way back through Paris and then through Bally's and by then Hina was so tired, we never made it.

We exited through the nearest door of Bally's which turned out to be the Valet entrance. We called Saad and Thaha to direct them to us, but there ended up being some confusion. It was almost an hour and several phone calls back and forth before they finally got to us. It was about 5:00pm by then and we decided to head to the house to see Mom. I drove us from Flamingo to Eastern and took the surface streets home. Traffic was terrible and it took forever. And my driving made Saad nervous. That was the last of my driving on that trip. We visited with Mom for a little bit. I took the kids up to see my room. Hina was too wiped to come up the stairs. And Miracle would not stop barking even for a minute. So that made it hard. And Dad was getting some sleep before work so we didn't get to see him. I don't know how he stayed asleep with all that barking, but he told me the next day he never heard any of it.

We headed back to the Strip, this time taking the freeway and getting there in no time. We parked at Bellagio so they could see the fountain show. I stayed with them for half and hour and then I walked back across to the Paris. I had a ticket for "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me!" the NPR news quiz show. I was so excited they were coming to town, I didn't even realize the show was on the same weekend Hina was coming. But they had plenty to occupy them for the two hours I was at the show. They went from the Bellagio to the Venetian and checked out the Canal Shoppes. I met them back at the room just as the kids were going downstairs to see the Sponge Bob attraction in the arcade.

I talked with Hina for a little while and then decided to call it a night. We were leaving for the Grand Canyon the next morning. We had debated during the day if we should still make the trip, as it was a good 5 or 6 hour drive, and Hina was pretty tired. But we ended up going.

They came to pick me up at my house and we hit the road. It wasn't a bad drive actually. I played hangman in the back seat with Thaiba. Saad drove the whole way. I offered a few times to take over, but he and Hina both insisted it was fine. I was not used to driving that Chrysler minivan they had rented. It didn't ride as nicely as Dad's Hyundai. But I would have got the hang of it. I guess I just made them too nervous driving home the night before.

When we got to the Canyon it was my turn to be overwhelmed by the scale. My Dad joked that it was just a big whole in the ground. I found the enormity of it just awing though. We parked in a couple of places along the South Rim to have a look and take some pictures. Hina joined us at first but then she stayed in the car. She was having even more of a hard time breathing than usual.

We drove to another spot where there was a Geological museum and a big picture window looking out onto the Canyon. I drove Hina as close as possible to the entrance of the museum. I didn't want her to miss out on such a cool sight. She managed to come inside for a bit, but that was all. We attempted to catch a shuttle bus out further to see the sun set, but it was already too late. And Hina had had enough. We left the Canyon for Flagstaff where we would stay the night.

It was an uneventful drive aside from the fact that coming into Flagstaff there was a controlled burn going on in some of the woodland. The smell made things worse. Using the GPS, we made our way to the Red Lobster though and had dinner. We had the best waiter ever. Scotty. He waited on us with such speed and attention, we nominated him for best server in the world. We had fun laughing and stuffing our faces with biscuits and shrimp and took some more pictures.

After arriving at the hotel, an Embassy Suites, and getting ready for bed, we hooked up Saad's camera to the big screen TV and watched a slide show of all the pics from the trip so far. They had started out by visiting relatives and touring San Francisco, Yosemite and San Diego before coming to Vegas, so there were a lot of pictures. Thaha had still more pictures on his laptop and we looked at those too. We went to bed soon after.

Saad had this crazy idea that we would get up really early and drive back up to the Canyon for sunrise. I told him it was unlikely. And as it turned out, Hina had some more breathing problems and was up most of the night. Saad made a trip to the Pharmacy at around 1:30 a.m. The Pharmacist told him it was most likely the altitude that was exacerbating HIna's respiratory issues. He said the best thing to do would be just to leave town and get to a lower altitude. After breakfast we packed up the car and headed back to Vegas instead of making a second visit to the Canyon.

On the way back we stopped briefly at Hoover Dam, then continued on to Henderson. We stopped for lunch at Panera Bread at The District, then they dropped me home. They wanted to get right back on the road to L.A. They just missed Dad by about a minute. I literally waved goodbye, closed the garage, and then heard it open again as Dad pulled up. We were bummed he had missed them again.

They were due to fly out of L.A. the next morning, but Hina was having pain in her side. It turned out to be shingles; unrelated to the respiratory problems aside from the fact that the stress of the trip had probably precipitated it. She went to the UCLA hospital and got treated, but she still wasn't well enough to fly the next day. They ended up staying in L.A. until Thanksgiving Day. They got home last night.

She kept apologizing to me for not being able to do much on the trip, but she had already done so much! I just wanted her to take it easy and feel better. But not being able to walk long distances makes such a difference. As she said, you never think about your lungs until you can't use them. Still it was a great visit, I would have been happy if we could've just hung out at the house all weekend. If Miracle could behave herself that is.

Hopefully when winter is over, I can make another trip out to New York to visit with them again. They said we can drive up to Niagra Falls and into Canada as I've never been. But even if we just stay at home, it's good enough for me. I just love Hin so much, and those kids; they are all just like family to me now.






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:W Pebble, Henderson,United States

Missing the War

This is a poem I wrote at a writers' workshop for Veterans this past Sunday. The workshop was conducted as part of the Vegas Valley Book Festival and led by Brian Turner, award winning poet and Iraq war Vet.

We were given the first line.

All roads lead out of town...
But since everyone here came from somewhere else
We all want to know how we got here
And if it's ever possible to go home
Or if we can turn this way station in the desert
into a place we want to stay

The subway doesn't run from The Palms
We never really leave the place where we are born
Except to merely wander
The home team needs our support,
So how can we ever turn away,
in favor of neon and jangling coins.

Turns out I wrote about being in Vegas, and missing New York. The workshop was held at a place called U.S. Vets on Bonanza. It seemed to be some kind of shelter/home for Veterans. They got meals and what seemed like apartments. The workshop was in the lunchroom, so that's pretty much all I saw. But it was easy to see that the Veterans who live here, or frequent this place, are down on their luck. I felt a little out of place with my new car and my fancy iPad.

When we were waiting for Brian to sign our books afterwards, this guy Steve asked me about my computer. He had never seen one like it. He was interested in how it worked. He said he wasn't good with technology. He asked what it cost. I felt a bit uncomfortable telling him. As if my spending this much money on it made me seem elitist or something.

I talked to Brian about his poem, "Insignia," about a female soldier who was sexually assaulted in Iraq. I told him of my similar (or actually not at all similar) experience. He said he felt he had to write about it because it was a problem that was ongoing and nothing much was being done about it. I appreciated his speaking out for us. I told him I wasn't a war vet, but he said it didn't matter. We were all Vets. He thanked me for my service. And I thanked him for his.

When we went outside, some of the other Vets were looking at my car. They said it was nice. I said, Thank You. They asked if it was made by Mercedes and if it was expensive. Again, I felt awkward. I told them a little about MINIs. Steve gave me his phone number. He said he'd like to talk more about writing...and computers. I took it and said sure that'd be cool. Mostly just being polite. Partially, wondering if I should take him up on it. I am one of the lucky ones. I have it pretty good. I got my education, and finally have a good job. I live in comfort with my parents. This guy wasn't from my world, but he has something to say. Maybe even more so than I do, lulled into a dull torpor as I seem to be these days. Maybe having someone to talk about writing with wouldn't be such a bad thing. It might help me get out of myself. At least for a little while.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Clocks

Here I sit surrounded by redundancy. Take devices that tell time for instance. Here at my desk at work, I can see the time on my computer screen and my desk phone. I also have a wristwatch, a mobile phone and an iPod, each of which also shows the time. There’s a clock on the wall behind me too, but that has long been either stopped, or incorrect.

For the most part, these devices differ from each other by a minute or three. I go by the clock on my desk phone for when it’s time to leave for the bus since it runs anywhere from 2 to 4 minutes ahead of the other clocks. Though once I step outside, my watch becomes the guide to what time I think the busses should actually be leaving their parking lot. Who knows which clock they are looking at.

Some of these clocks are set automatically. From a network, atomically? I’m not sure. Some standard time that is somehow transmitted to us anyway. But no matter how many clocks are around us, we’ve no reason to keep them all, there will still be ones we use more than others.

I was reading an article in The Atlantic about how watches are steadily becoming obsolete. That young children no longer recognize pointing to one’s wrist as the universal gesture of asking for the time. That watches will soon be relegated to the realm of the sundial, and that as it is they are used largely as jewelry.

I, for one, am quite attached to my watch, literally. I have several, and I do tend to match them to my outfits, but I do actually use them to tell time too. When I sit at my desk during lunch, reading on my Kindle, I check my watch to see how much time I have left on my break. I could lean over a few inches and see the reading on the deskphone. Or I could pick up my iPod or mobile phone and press any button. But glancing at my wrist is still the most natural response. My watch is there, buckled on my arm, so I don’t even have to remember where I set it down. Or if it’s turned on.

And I feel naked without it. If I leave the house without a watch on my wrist, I still have other ways to see the time. Usually at least two within arm’s reach. When I get in my car, there’s a third. But still I feel lost. Why is that?

The thing is, a watch, fashion aside, has one purpose. It tells the time. The other options make phone calls, play music, contain applications to create and store information, etc. Which device I reach for usually has to do with the fact that I want to do several things at once.

If I want to play a computer game, I can use my iPod, my iPad, my Playstation 3, my desktop computer using games online or downloaded to my machine.

If I want to travel at the same time, the desktop is ruled out. If I want to listen at the same time, there goes the Playstation. (Actually, I think the Playstation has the ability to play MP3s, or download music or something, but I have no idea how. It has too many other functions.) If I want to tweet, facebook or blog while playing my game, I can only do that on my iPod or iPad, except that actually my TV has apps for that now.

If I want to read a book, and I haven’t got a hardcover or paperback at hand, I can download something new on my Kindle, or my iPad, or my iPod... Or my iMac. Does the Playstation do that too? Not sure, but I do know I can watch movies and live baseball, as well as play games on it. And on my iMac. And my laptop. I forgot about that one.

Do I want to do all these things at the same time? I pretty much grew up watching TV and doing something else at the same time; homework, laundry, cooking, eating, reading, grading papers, whatever. Nowadays I routinely check email, text or look something up online while in front of the TV. There’s never any need to feel lost or out of touch.

Right now I’m writing this, and listening to Podcasts (yep, on the iPod). I have a second iPod that I keep in the car at all times. So it’s basically part of my car stereo. Of course there is also radio and a CD player...my car is two months old and I’ve yet to play a CD in there. Does anyone do that any more? The upgraded stereos can get Satellite radio or even stream internet radio! Music from anywhere in the world, beamed down to you in your car, no matter where you are. That’s a long way from having to carefully place the needle on a vinyl record that may only play one song, or at the most half an album. Side 1 or Side 2, remember that?

I just glanced down at my iPod to select a new Podcast and I saw the picture on my screen (it’s a portable photo album too, so is my iPad, my phone, iPhoto, etc.). The new iPods all have cameras on them too as well as the phones. Hardly anything goes undocumented nowadays. But all that stuff that’s getting documented, how do you know what to focus on? Instead of trying to figure out what is going on in any given scene, you have to wonder, what isn’t going on?

I come back to my original thought, wondering why we have all this redundancy. Do I need to have all these devices? Each one has its strengths, its primary function. If I want to take good photographs, I’d rely on an actual camera rather than a device with a camera in it. If I want to read an electronic book (again, physical copy not available), I’d most likely stick with the Kindle. If I want to read my email, I wait until I get home to my iMac where I can see it in full screen html. If I want to listen to the radio, hey I’ll just turn on a radio. Like the one on my nightstand...that also charges and plays my iPod, and wakes me in the morning and oh yeah, tells time. Sigh.