Regrets

Another birthday. It's usually the time to reflect on the year. How things have changed, how they've stayed the same. Here's a change: I've gained about 25 pounds this year. And what's stayed the same? I'm still trying to pretend I don't care, and I'm still being held hostage by a bloody number.

And here's something else, I spent most of the day at work yesterday trying to get up the courage to do something, take action on something I've been thinking about for years. Maybe my birthday is the time to do it. But you know what? The day doesn't matter. It's just a point in time, one that comes and goes just like any other. Waking up and making a decision is one thing. Acting on it is all that matters.

Change is never convenient, it doesn't come like clockwork. It doesn't come at all, it must be forced. And year after year I find that I'm still just not brave enough.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Singing in the Rain/Umbrella

This week Southern Nevada got one of those heavy, heavy rainfalls that come around very seldom. In Vegas, Henderson and up at the Test Site it came pouring down for three days. It had rained a bit the previous weekend and I had been able to take out my new Burberry umbrella for the first time. But this was just a drizzle compared to this past week. I broke out the trench and the rain hat as well.

I enjoyed the rain for the most part. I just didn't like having to drive to N. LV in it in the morning. But when I got off the bus at the end of the day, Rory was shining with freshly beaded water running off of him.

It's so dry here that we need a nice big rain every now and then. To clean the roads, wash away the dust and just remind us that there's weather.

Falling Down

Last weekend, aside from haunting the hot spots around Henderson, I made my first forays out into the holiday shopping fray. I went to the Shoppes at the Palazzo to see if there was anything good on sale. I saw a couple of things, but I ended up being good. I managed to get out of there without buying anything, though not for lack of trying. The skull charm bracelet I wanted from Links of London was on sale, but they didn't have the right color. And of course nothing was on sale at Burberry. So I made it out safe. Until the next day.

I hit the outlet stores. It was a long slow winding line up to the roof of the parking structure. But I found a spot where a man was putting his bags in his car and getting ready to leave. I put my blinker on to wait for him. And he had a stroller, and then he had to get back out to look for something in the backseat. And then it looked like he was going to make a phone call, all of which he had a right to do of course. I sat there there thinking, seriously? but reminded myself to be patient. I was rewarded with a good spot that where I thought Rory would be safe.

First off from the stairs was the Burberry outlet. I quickly ducked inside. It was packed. I found a big pile of hats on clearance. And then a beautiful silk scarf for 50% off. And a cute compact umbrella complete with a clam shell case. All of it was on sale, but I still ended up spending almost $400! Woops. And none of it was on gifts.

Then, I hit the Cole Haan outlet where they had their traditional Black Friday weekend deals, 50% off plus an additional 20% with my VIP coupon. How can you go wrong? I realized that I was breaking my Purse embargo. I had made it a whole 5 months. I figured it was okay though, because I spent less than $200, on a bag which I'd been waiting for it to go on sale. So my embargo had new rules, no "expensive" handbags for 6 months. Okay then. Still on track for that. Then I went to Kipling, and of course I had predetermined that Kipling bags don't count.

It was a bit naughty, but not too bad. Me and George had already decided what we were going to get mom and dad so there was no pressure to be figuring out the gifts.

Tuesday once we had internet again, I got a steal in the Hayden-Harnett sale. "Expensive" bag embargo still intact. This weekend I knew I would have to take it easy though. I stayed home Friday, aside from my errand at the bank and a quick stop for red velvet hot cocoa. Man that stuff is good.

I had to get out of the house today though. I needed the exercise. After the weekend with Hina, I've been really noticing that I've been feeling worn out doing regular things that never used to tire me out. And the recent struggle finding jeans has brought home to me the reality that I'm actually putting on a bunch of weight. I can't deny it any longer, or pretend that I don't care.

So I'd walk. I'd walk the mall. I visited Saks and checked out what they had on sale there. A few tempting options. But I made it out empty handed. They had a some good sales on bags at Macy's. Again, I refrained. I went upstairs to the women's dept. I tried on 4 pairs of jeans, and found one that fit as well as I'd probably be able to expect. I called it a victory. I picked up a couple of sweaters too after much debate. This one Lauren Ralph Lauren sweater vest was on sale, but still expensive. I decided to go for it. The lady at the register had me apply for a Macy's card. Again I was declined as I expected, but it got me another 25% off. So not bad.

I went into Neiman's and found some cool shoes on sale. Then in the bag department, I resisted temptation and only bought a pretty Diane Von Furstenberg scarf (on sale). So far, all but the jeans were on sale. But there was another type of damage.

In Macy's I bent over to pick something up, and my back was not happy. I remembered that the same thing had happened to me the last time I was in Macy's. And I'd felt tired after walking the mall for a short time. Just like today. When I was trying on the shoes in Neiman's I had a bit of a hard time bending down to take off my socks. Damn. I headed back to the car to drop off my bags. I waved off a lady who wanted my parking space.

I headed to the food court to get something to eat and drink. Mostly I was way thirsty. I went to Wendy's and got a burger and a big Dr. Pepper. Then I slowly made my way back down the mall. I reminded myself to take it easy. I went into LeSportsac and got a weekender bag (not a purse) which was also on sale. I went into Claire's to check out the Glee trinkets. There was some cute stuff. I thought it was all on sale, but the things I got ended up not being on sale. Only a few dollars though. Finally I went back to Nordstrom and headed up to women's. I got a top, and Ingrid, my favorite sales lady, gave me a really big shopping bag. It came in handy later when I picked up another couple of gifts. A second Burberry umbrella (I know! but it was blue!), and a Marc by Marc scarf with the print I had admired on those nylon totes. So cute! Then, aaahhh, it was time to go home. I left the bags in the car until Mom and Dad went out. Then I realized that I'd go quite a bit of stuff. And I still have to go out with George tomorrow and get Mom's birthday gift. And I have to get his too.

Hopefully I won't feel too wrecked when I get out of bed tomorrow. Hopefully, I can do it without falling down.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

We Float/Float On

Sitting at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in the District. Just had the most yummy red velvet hot cocoa. Can't believe I drank it all already. It's just a bummer they require a password here now. I can't be online with my iPod and iPad at the same time. I guess people were taking advantage. I guess I'll have to move on to a Starbucks to finish my work since I logged on with my iPod first and now I can't use the code again. I want to find out where another Coffee Bean is though. This red velvet cocoa is goooood!

I want to get an evite sent out for the STC Christmas party. I don't want to, but I should, I really should. I want to get some other stuff done as well, so I have to make some other stops. What else? I have to go to Lane Bryant, see if I can exchange those jeans, and if there is anything else I want to buy during this sale.

I might pop over to the Walking Company. They are having a tax free sale. I don't know if anything is marked down, or it's just the tax thing. Cause that would only be 8.1% which isn't much of a sale.

I can't believe what an inconvenience it is not to have internet at the house for a whole weekend. I wanted to do some shopping. I missed out on the sales Friday because I didn't have a secure wifi hotspot. You can't risk going around using your credit card on public wifi.

At least the Giants won today. Dad woke me up by yelling ,"No!" when the Jaguars quarterback ran the ball in for a touchdown in the 2nd quarter. I was already awake, but hearing him made me turn on the TV, and then come down stairs, and eat pancakes, and...well it's too late now, I'm up. That's the way it happens. It would be nice if I could go to bed when I want and then not be forced to get up. I mean, it's the weekend.

It would also be nice if these podcasts would hurry up and download. I can't believe how slow it is. Jeez. I guess when these are done I'll move on. I finished my cocoa long ago now. Darn it, I should have just downloaded these podcasts on my iPad and then I could have transferred them via iTunes. Too late now.

Have now checked in via FourSquare and Facebook. That's really sad. No one actually cares where I am.

I guess those two episodes of Marketplace are videos? But they should still be able to download. Hmm. Anyway, this last one is almost done. Guess I should wrap this up.

More later....

So I went to Lane Bryant and had a fight with a few pairs of jeans. Resigning myself to defeat, I got a couple of cozy sweaters and called it a day for shopping. I scooted up to the Panera Bread on the next corner, to get lunch, and use the bathroom, but I discovered they also have wifi. So I grabbed my iPad, ordered a tomato and mozzarella panini and found a table. Forgot I had to go to the bathroom. But I had food coming, I couldn't leave the table when the server would be looking for me. So I stayed to eat. I did manage to get off the evite for the STC party, but I couldn't get the message section of the invitation form to work. I also couldn't check the guest list to see if I needed to make changes, so I hope it's close to being right. After eating and staying as long as seemed reasonable after finishing, I took my pit stop and then went back out to the car. I couldn't get anything on my phone. No FourSquare, no google, nothing. So frustrating! My phone is supposed to be the one thing I can rely on in a pinch, with no wifi in sight and it couldn't manage even that. I tried to look up the next nearest Coffee Bean to hit next, but I couldn't make a connection. I ended up trying the Starbucks at Target, but it had no wifi. Then I stopped at the ATM and now I'm back at the Starbucks at Pebble. I can't imagine what I would've done otherwise.

Okay, podcasts almost downloaded now. What else to I need to do before heading home? I know there will be something I forget. I sent Kate a message to make sure she was on the evite list as she changed her email recently.

I guess I should get home so I can make the TV listing for this week. Dexter has already started. Mom is probably annoyed that I didn't come home for dinner. I'm not hungry anyway. I'm full of panini and cocoa and tea lattes. Hopefully I won't float away.





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:W Pebble,Henderson,United States

Generator

Last weekend, Hina, my best friend from high school came to visit me here in Vegas for the first time with her family. I'd been to visit her back home in New York a couple of times last year. It was really good to see her, and the kids, whom I love. I was glad to be able to show them around this place where I've lived for 6 years now. They found the scale of it overwhelming. Especially Thaiba and Thaha. It was fun to see their eyes light up at the huge canyon of light that is the Strip.

I met up with them Wednesday night and we went to get dinner at an Afghani restaurant they had found on the internet; they had already called in an order. Now that I know where it is, we can go there again next time they visit. Or maybe just Hina will visit.

After that we took a quick drive up the Strip to check out the general sights, and then it was back to their hotel to hang out for a while before calling it a night. I'd worked that day so I was getting knackered.

We met the next morning in the food court at New York, New York, or fake New York as I like to call it. We just has some donuts and Starbucks at the corner of "Greenwich Street." We took a picture of Thaiba knocking on the fake front door of number 22.

Our game plan for the day was to walk across to M&Ms World and then to the Coke Store in that little mall on the front of the MGM. We had the idea of trying to get tickets for some show. David Copperfield was on the wish list, but my Mom didn't have any discounts and his show is pretty expensive. We tried the half-price ticket kiosk, and then Saad and I walked to the Flamingo to see if we could get free tickets to Nathan Burton with this coupon they had found. The free tickets were out. So we gave up on the magic show idea. We met back up at Planet Hollywood for lunch at this Mexican Place called Cabo Wabo. It was mediocre, but Hina chose it because they didn't want to walk any further. She is still having a lot of trouble with her breathing and can't walk too far at any one time.

We walked a bit further on to the Paris, and Saad and Thaha went back to the hotel to re-charge the camera and get the car. Hina, Thaiba and I walked around the Paris for a bit and then intended to meet the guys at the front entrance in the car. They said they'd be a while. We decided instead just to grab the Monorail from the Paris back to MGM and cross the street back to the hotel and meet them.

I haven't been on the Monorail before, and didn't realize that it's actually very far from the entrance of the Paris. You have to walk all the way back through Paris and then through Bally's and by then Hina was so tired, we never made it.

We exited through the nearest door of Bally's which turned out to be the Valet entrance. We called Saad and Thaha to direct them to us, but there ended up being some confusion. It was almost an hour and several phone calls back and forth before they finally got to us. It was about 5:00pm by then and we decided to head to the house to see Mom. I drove us from Flamingo to Eastern and took the surface streets home. Traffic was terrible and it took forever. And my driving made Saad nervous. That was the last of my driving on that trip. We visited with Mom for a little bit. I took the kids up to see my room. Hina was too wiped to come up the stairs. And Miracle would not stop barking even for a minute. So that made it hard. And Dad was getting some sleep before work so we didn't get to see him. I don't know how he stayed asleep with all that barking, but he told me the next day he never heard any of it.

We headed back to the Strip, this time taking the freeway and getting there in no time. We parked at Bellagio so they could see the fountain show. I stayed with them for half and hour and then I walked back across to the Paris. I had a ticket for "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me!" the NPR news quiz show. I was so excited they were coming to town, I didn't even realize the show was on the same weekend Hina was coming. But they had plenty to occupy them for the two hours I was at the show. They went from the Bellagio to the Venetian and checked out the Canal Shoppes. I met them back at the room just as the kids were going downstairs to see the Sponge Bob attraction in the arcade.

I talked with Hina for a little while and then decided to call it a night. We were leaving for the Grand Canyon the next morning. We had debated during the day if we should still make the trip, as it was a good 5 or 6 hour drive, and Hina was pretty tired. But we ended up going.

They came to pick me up at my house and we hit the road. It wasn't a bad drive actually. I played hangman in the back seat with Thaiba. Saad drove the whole way. I offered a few times to take over, but he and Hina both insisted it was fine. I was not used to driving that Chrysler minivan they had rented. It didn't ride as nicely as Dad's Hyundai. But I would have got the hang of it. I guess I just made them too nervous driving home the night before.

When we got to the Canyon it was my turn to be overwhelmed by the scale. My Dad joked that it was just a big whole in the ground. I found the enormity of it just awing though. We parked in a couple of places along the South Rim to have a look and take some pictures. Hina joined us at first but then she stayed in the car. She was having even more of a hard time breathing than usual.

We drove to another spot where there was a Geological museum and a big picture window looking out onto the Canyon. I drove Hina as close as possible to the entrance of the museum. I didn't want her to miss out on such a cool sight. She managed to come inside for a bit, but that was all. We attempted to catch a shuttle bus out further to see the sun set, but it was already too late. And Hina had had enough. We left the Canyon for Flagstaff where we would stay the night.

It was an uneventful drive aside from the fact that coming into Flagstaff there was a controlled burn going on in some of the woodland. The smell made things worse. Using the GPS, we made our way to the Red Lobster though and had dinner. We had the best waiter ever. Scotty. He waited on us with such speed and attention, we nominated him for best server in the world. We had fun laughing and stuffing our faces with biscuits and shrimp and took some more pictures.

After arriving at the hotel, an Embassy Suites, and getting ready for bed, we hooked up Saad's camera to the big screen TV and watched a slide show of all the pics from the trip so far. They had started out by visiting relatives and touring San Francisco, Yosemite and San Diego before coming to Vegas, so there were a lot of pictures. Thaha had still more pictures on his laptop and we looked at those too. We went to bed soon after.

Saad had this crazy idea that we would get up really early and drive back up to the Canyon for sunrise. I told him it was unlikely. And as it turned out, Hina had some more breathing problems and was up most of the night. Saad made a trip to the Pharmacy at around 1:30 a.m. The Pharmacist told him it was most likely the altitude that was exacerbating HIna's respiratory issues. He said the best thing to do would be just to leave town and get to a lower altitude. After breakfast we packed up the car and headed back to Vegas instead of making a second visit to the Canyon.

On the way back we stopped briefly at Hoover Dam, then continued on to Henderson. We stopped for lunch at Panera Bread at The District, then they dropped me home. They wanted to get right back on the road to L.A. They just missed Dad by about a minute. I literally waved goodbye, closed the garage, and then heard it open again as Dad pulled up. We were bummed he had missed them again.

They were due to fly out of L.A. the next morning, but Hina was having pain in her side. It turned out to be shingles; unrelated to the respiratory problems aside from the fact that the stress of the trip had probably precipitated it. She went to the UCLA hospital and got treated, but she still wasn't well enough to fly the next day. They ended up staying in L.A. until Thanksgiving Day. They got home last night.

She kept apologizing to me for not being able to do much on the trip, but she had already done so much! I just wanted her to take it easy and feel better. But not being able to walk long distances makes such a difference. As she said, you never think about your lungs until you can't use them. Still it was a great visit, I would have been happy if we could've just hung out at the house all weekend. If Miracle could behave herself that is.

Hopefully when winter is over, I can make another trip out to New York to visit with them again. They said we can drive up to Niagra Falls and into Canada as I've never been. But even if we just stay at home, it's good enough for me. I just love Hin so much, and those kids; they are all just like family to me now.






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:W Pebble, Henderson,United States

Missing the War

This is a poem I wrote at a writers' workshop for Veterans this past Sunday. The workshop was conducted as part of the Vegas Valley Book Festival and led by Brian Turner, award winning poet and Iraq war Vet.

We were given the first line.

All roads lead out of town...
But since everyone here came from somewhere else
We all want to know how we got here
And if it's ever possible to go home
Or if we can turn this way station in the desert
into a place we want to stay

The subway doesn't run from The Palms
We never really leave the place where we are born
Except to merely wander
The home team needs our support,
So how can we ever turn away,
in favor of neon and jangling coins.

Turns out I wrote about being in Vegas, and missing New York. The workshop was held at a place called U.S. Vets on Bonanza. It seemed to be some kind of shelter/home for Veterans. They got meals and what seemed like apartments. The workshop was in the lunchroom, so that's pretty much all I saw. But it was easy to see that the Veterans who live here, or frequent this place, are down on their luck. I felt a little out of place with my new car and my fancy iPad.

When we were waiting for Brian to sign our books afterwards, this guy Steve asked me about my computer. He had never seen one like it. He was interested in how it worked. He said he wasn't good with technology. He asked what it cost. I felt a bit uncomfortable telling him. As if my spending this much money on it made me seem elitist or something.

I talked to Brian about his poem, "Insignia," about a female soldier who was sexually assaulted in Iraq. I told him of my similar (or actually not at all similar) experience. He said he felt he had to write about it because it was a problem that was ongoing and nothing much was being done about it. I appreciated his speaking out for us. I told him I wasn't a war vet, but he said it didn't matter. We were all Vets. He thanked me for my service. And I thanked him for his.

When we went outside, some of the other Vets were looking at my car. They said it was nice. I said, Thank You. They asked if it was made by Mercedes and if it was expensive. Again, I felt awkward. I told them a little about MINIs. Steve gave me his phone number. He said he'd like to talk more about writing...and computers. I took it and said sure that'd be cool. Mostly just being polite. Partially, wondering if I should take him up on it. I am one of the lucky ones. I have it pretty good. I got my education, and finally have a good job. I live in comfort with my parents. This guy wasn't from my world, but he has something to say. Maybe even more so than I do, lulled into a dull torpor as I seem to be these days. Maybe having someone to talk about writing with wouldn't be such a bad thing. It might help me get out of myself. At least for a little while.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Clocks

Here I sit surrounded by redundancy. Take devices that tell time for instance. Here at my desk at work, I can see the time on my computer screen and my desk phone. I also have a wristwatch, a mobile phone and an iPod, each of which also shows the time. There’s a clock on the wall behind me too, but that has long been either stopped, or incorrect.

For the most part, these devices differ from each other by a minute or three. I go by the clock on my desk phone for when it’s time to leave for the bus since it runs anywhere from 2 to 4 minutes ahead of the other clocks. Though once I step outside, my watch becomes the guide to what time I think the busses should actually be leaving their parking lot. Who knows which clock they are looking at.

Some of these clocks are set automatically. From a network, atomically? I’m not sure. Some standard time that is somehow transmitted to us anyway. But no matter how many clocks are around us, we’ve no reason to keep them all, there will still be ones we use more than others.

I was reading an article in The Atlantic about how watches are steadily becoming obsolete. That young children no longer recognize pointing to one’s wrist as the universal gesture of asking for the time. That watches will soon be relegated to the realm of the sundial, and that as it is they are used largely as jewelry.

I, for one, am quite attached to my watch, literally. I have several, and I do tend to match them to my outfits, but I do actually use them to tell time too. When I sit at my desk during lunch, reading on my Kindle, I check my watch to see how much time I have left on my break. I could lean over a few inches and see the reading on the deskphone. Or I could pick up my iPod or mobile phone and press any button. But glancing at my wrist is still the most natural response. My watch is there, buckled on my arm, so I don’t even have to remember where I set it down. Or if it’s turned on.

And I feel naked without it. If I leave the house without a watch on my wrist, I still have other ways to see the time. Usually at least two within arm’s reach. When I get in my car, there’s a third. But still I feel lost. Why is that?

The thing is, a watch, fashion aside, has one purpose. It tells the time. The other options make phone calls, play music, contain applications to create and store information, etc. Which device I reach for usually has to do with the fact that I want to do several things at once.

If I want to play a computer game, I can use my iPod, my iPad, my Playstation 3, my desktop computer using games online or downloaded to my machine.

If I want to travel at the same time, the desktop is ruled out. If I want to listen at the same time, there goes the Playstation. (Actually, I think the Playstation has the ability to play MP3s, or download music or something, but I have no idea how. It has too many other functions.) If I want to tweet, facebook or blog while playing my game, I can only do that on my iPod or iPad, except that actually my TV has apps for that now.

If I want to read a book, and I haven’t got a hardcover or paperback at hand, I can download something new on my Kindle, or my iPad, or my iPod... Or my iMac. Does the Playstation do that too? Not sure, but I do know I can watch movies and live baseball, as well as play games on it. And on my iMac. And my laptop. I forgot about that one.

Do I want to do all these things at the same time? I pretty much grew up watching TV and doing something else at the same time; homework, laundry, cooking, eating, reading, grading papers, whatever. Nowadays I routinely check email, text or look something up online while in front of the TV. There’s never any need to feel lost or out of touch.

Right now I’m writing this, and listening to Podcasts (yep, on the iPod). I have a second iPod that I keep in the car at all times. So it’s basically part of my car stereo. Of course there is also radio and a CD player...my car is two months old and I’ve yet to play a CD in there. Does anyone do that any more? The upgraded stereos can get Satellite radio or even stream internet radio! Music from anywhere in the world, beamed down to you in your car, no matter where you are. That’s a long way from having to carefully place the needle on a vinyl record that may only play one song, or at the most half an album. Side 1 or Side 2, remember that?

I just glanced down at my iPod to select a new Podcast and I saw the picture on my screen (it’s a portable photo album too, so is my iPad, my phone, iPhoto, etc.). The new iPods all have cameras on them too as well as the phones. Hardly anything goes undocumented nowadays. But all that stuff that’s getting documented, how do you know what to focus on? Instead of trying to figure out what is going on in any given scene, you have to wonder, what isn’t going on?

I come back to my original thought, wondering why we have all this redundancy. Do I need to have all these devices? Each one has its strengths, its primary function. If I want to take good photographs, I’d rely on an actual camera rather than a device with a camera in it. If I want to read an electronic book (again, physical copy not available), I’d most likely stick with the Kindle. If I want to read my email, I wait until I get home to my iMac where I can see it in full screen html. If I want to listen to the radio, hey I’ll just turn on a radio. Like the one on my nightstand...that also charges and plays my iPod, and wakes me in the morning and oh yeah, tells time. Sigh.

What's the Story (Morning Glory)?

Friday night I went to a new event called, "The Tell," held at El Cortez downtown. It was an evening of storytelling in the tradition of "The Moth," hosted by Dayvid Figler. It featured Mike Bunin and other Vegas alums such as Prof. Todd Jones, Historian Dr. Michael Green, San Francisco storyteller (and founder of "Porchlight") Beth Lisick. Art seller Naomi Arin and Cindy Reed rounded out the bill. There was a loose theme to all the stories: cheating.

As I listened to the stories I wondered if that was something if I could do. Stand on stage in front of people and tell a true story from my life. Sort of like the pieces in my Master's thesis. Or something from this blog. If it were any good. And...I almost said "more polished" here, but that would be missing the point. They are supposed to be unrehearsed. And they were. But they seemed to have been thought out beforehand. Dayvid Figler brought a prop.

He told a hilarious story about his quest to earn a Letterman's Jacket in high school. Figler is well known around Vegas for his commentaries on KNPR, his poetry and his work as an attorney and Judge. I remember he hosted a poetry slam at First Friday one time when I was there with Keir. I asked Keir to point him out for me, since they were friends. But we never found him. I guess we were in the wrong place. But I was excited then to meet the guy who did the KNPR commentaries.

I eventually ran into him at Dan Bunin's New Year's Eve party. And Janice introduced me to him once at the Arts Factory. She just said he was her friend Dayvid. He seemed quiet, so I wasn't quite sure he was the same one. But I remember he had the Google phone.

Anyway, when I got there I saw Dan and Martin sitting at a table in the back. I went over and said hi, and chatted with Dan about the Mets. I also said hello to Mike. Then I went to find a seat. The place was filling up fast. They say there were around 200 people. It was a very enjoyable, free night out.

The event was held in conjunction with the Vegas Valley Bookfest which starts next month. So they also had the audience members write some .Vegas-related haiku for the mayor to read at the kick off. There were some good ones. I tried to come up with something really fast in my head. But "really fast" is not a phrase I would use to describe my thought process. At least where coherent thought is concerned. My mind can be racing at a mile a minute, but it's usually in a jumble of random ideas.

On the way out, I saw Joel and Sandra and said hi. I'm pretty sure they didn't know who I was. I stood around for another 5 uncomfortable minutes. Then I gave up and headed for the parking garage. Gave up on what? I'm not sure what I was hoping for. I would've liked it if Ralph and Kate were there. I scanned the crowd for Janice or anyone else I might know. But in the end, I just bagged any further effort to socialize. I got in the car and headed home.

On the way, I tried to decide whether or not I should stop for some doughnuts. Turned out Krispy Kreme was closed. Not much of a story.

Exo-Politics

I cast my ballot on Saturday, the first day of early voting. Now I must wait for the results on November 2nd and am left wondering exactly how many unreasonable people there are in this state and this country.

I hear many of them all around me. Some, in places I expect, like on the bus and at work. And some in places it seems to come out of nowhere. Like certain MINI club cohorts.

I try to stay out of any such discussions I come across. But it gets to me sometimes, how ignorant people can be. I get it; everyone hates Harry Reid. But Sharron Angle? Seriously? This right wing wackjob is just one of a dozen or so tea party/far right Republicans that are evidence of just how crazy things are in this country now. The fact that these candidates can be anywhere near the mainstream....Christine O'Donnell anyone?

Here's how I see it: Conservative is a code word which means, I got mine, so screw you. Conservatives are worried about the deficit, and too much government. Which means, they want less regulation so they can continue finding loopholes with their greedy Wall Street ways, so they can get richer while everyone else gets poorer. They don't want taxes to increase for the rich to help pay down that deficit they are so worried about. They feel like, hey, they earned their money, through "hard work" and shouldn't be charged for being more successful than everyone else. The free market is their answer to fixing the economy and health care. So wait, haven't we been trying that? How has it worked out by the way? Oh yeah, it hasn't.

So Sharron Angle wants to eliminate the Dept. of Education, the VA, Social Security. They think everyday Americans have an attitude of entitlement and are lazy, collecting unemployment or welfare. Meanwhile her husband is living off his government pension from the Bureau of Land Management.

Conservatives want the government to stay out of their lives. Yet, they want the government to keep women from choosing to have an abortion, even in cases of rape or incest! And they want it to tell gay people they can't get married.

They are anti-immigration, anti-gay, anti-health care for children and the poor. Selfish, racist, hypocritical...I could go on, but I'd just get upset. The Fox news distortion of reality, Glenn Beck and his John Birch Society "university."

So people are voting. And we can only hope that enough people see through this rampant craziness and do the right thing. Harry Reid may not be perfect, but he's the only real choice. And if anyone asks me, I'll tell them I voted for him. Response from the wackos may very well follow. But as logic and facts are not enough to convince them, let's hope it doesn't come to those "2nd amendment remedies" Angle suggested.

And that they not drive me around the bend, so much that I want to take a swing at someone out of sheer frustration.

May cooler heads prevail.


-- Post From My iPod Touch

Cottonmouth

I wake up in the mornings with cottonmouth. It's from the pills. The ones that help me sleep. It's just one of the trade-offs. The other is that it's a bit hard waking up. And staying awake, especially at work. I find myself grateful that I sit on my own in my cubicle. I'm useless for the first hour at least. Then when I do finally wake up, I'm surprised. Like I didn't expect to ever come out of the haze.

It's like that sometimes. You get into this frame of mind. I can be walking among people, and still be wrapped up in my own little world. And then I wake up. I realize that I've been chatting with shop assistants. And spending money. And I wonder what the heck happened; because usually I'm not impulsive. But I'm typing this on my brand new iPad. Whoops!

I managed not to buy any handbags. I found myself looking at some. And I reminded myself I'm on a moratorium. It didn't occur to me to add gadgets to that list. Oh well. This thing can be useful. I originally planned to get a netbook. Something I could curl up with and write on. Because I haven't been good about writing lately. I have ideas, thoughts, but they just seem to fly away. Like they were only dreams, and I've woken up without any memory of them. .

This is kind of funny. I'm holding the keyboard dock with my feet as I type. I tried with it on my lap, but it's a bit too small. Just able to balance on my knees, but it's not that stable. It would be more stable on a table. Ha! But that would sort of be beside the point. And now I've looked at the clock. And it's way later than I meant to stay up. Time is the commodity I need more of most. And no amount of money, or number of gadgets can get me more that that.

Still I need the sleep so badly, I take the pills, and struggle to wake up. And to come back to the world, thirsty, with my cottonmouth.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Brand New Baby

Rory got his stripes this weekend. And then he met the family. We went to Cars 'n' Coffee on Saturday morning where I introduced him to my friends in the Mini Club who hadn't seen him; John and Pedro had met him when he was a few days old. Then we all went up to the MINI dealership in its new location on Sahara for a tour. Tony took us all around, even into the maintenance bays where we saw a few MINIs taken apart and waiting for further repair.

Then Rory and I got lunch at Sonic and we did a little shopping. It was a pretty nice day. A laid back weekend with my new baby. And the other good news is Annette and Jeff have come up a plan to help me with my old one. More to come on that later.

Blue

So after all the trying and towing MINIfir around seeing if there was any possible way to get her a new transmission, my efforts fell short. MINIUSA agreed to give me 30% off the parts, but it was still $8000 I didn't have.

What next then? I went back to Desert MINI to pick up my MINIfir and take her home. Finally I admitted that it was probably time to start thinking about a new car. During the six weeks I'd been without MINIfir, I had considered it. I'd even test driven that new Hyundai Genesis coupe; a nice car definitely. I considered other small cars, more down market granted. But in the end, none of that made sense. Really, I couldn't tell what made the most sense anymore. All I knew was that I couldn't bear to be without a MINI.

So Bob, the service guy at Desert, told me to come in and pick her up, but that Tony the GM of the dealership wanted to work with me personally to see if I could find something new, maybe a 2009; they had a few of those left. So I came in on Friday. And Bob called for Tony, but he wasn't available. So they told me not to go anywhere, and I ended up sitting in the service waiting area watching several episodes of Spin City.

Finally I was introduced to Dennis. He showed me around the lot; we looked at 2010s because the only 2009s left were MCSs or convertibles. I found one I was drawn to; a Horizon Blue Cooper with a black roof. It had the premium package (including the sun roof, an upgraded stereo and auto A/C), and a few other nifty bells and whistles. I took him for a test drive. Yes, I'd already decided, he was a boy. I had Dennis and the financing guy work up some numbers if I wanted to buy or lease. Then I had MINIfir towed home.

Later that day Dad said, "So I see MINIfir is back." Yes, I said. I needed some more time to figure out what to do with her. I showed him the printout of the numbers on the new MINI. We discussed pros and cons of leasing vs. buying. And that night I went to bed trying to decide.

In the morning, I knew what I wanted to do. I had even picked out a name already. He would be called Rory. I drove to the dealership to ask any last questions I had about the deal. I stood in front of him. Hello Rory, I thought.

I didn't expect that I'd actually get it all done and take him home. I still had John and Pedro's car, the Buick they'd so graciously let me borrow. But Dennis and the finance people got me all set up. I drove the Buick back to my house, and about 45 minutes later, Rory was delivered right to my driveway.

The next day, I called up Pedro to see if he and/or John would like to come pick up their Buick. And I pulled MINIfir out of the garage and took some pictures of them together. Big sister and little brother. I knew they wouldn't be able to stay together forever. But for this short shining time, I had my old love, and my new baby, both blue, side by side.

I began to slowly remove MINIfir's personal accouterments; badges, stickers, dangly mirror decorations, the contents of the boot and the glovebox, and finally, her British plate. Some of the things I could use for Rory. Some little bits big sis could donate to him. Other stuff I'd just put into storage and keep. I didn't and still don't want to think about what will happen to her when we finally say goodbye. But she will never be forgotten. She will always be my first MINI.

Joyriders

MTTS 2010

"On the road with Julie and Neo.

8/11/10

Just arrived in Grand Junction after a long day of driving. Stopped in Helper, UT to photograph "Big John" and at Papa Joe's to buy some beef jerky, or other meat based jerky.

Bummed to have missed out on the Salt Flats but apparently the salt can really mess up your car. Neo doesn't regret missing that. Some rest and a calm night here in Grand Junction, then off to Winter Park in the morning."

That was my lone journal entry during the trip. I couldn't even manage to write in complete sentences. I thought I'd have more time, being a co-pilot instead of a driver. But I ended up being pretty useless in that capacity too. Misinterpreting instructions and failing to make sense of maps. But Julie, she was doing it all. She was actually texting and posting on Facebook while driving. Every now and then, I looked at the live feed and saw posts from her, which she had somehow managed to type out and post while driving, while I was sitting there next to her. I could hardly manage to post one update a day, and when I did it was only stuff like, "has just arrived in Denver" etc.

One good thing about being a co-pilot, I got to look around at stuff. It's hard to do when you're driving. I didn't really manage to take more pictures than I normally would. I was still pretty forgetful and had hopelessly bad timing when I did get some shots. But otherwise I got to see a lot. The twisty roads, the scenic bits, lots of other MINIs.

The first overnight stop for me was Salt Lake City. It was kind of cool being back there, since I'd lived just south in Provo for 5 years. And I got my MINIfir at the dealership there, 7 years ago. The party they had at MINI of Murray was a bit disappointing. Partially because we arrived late, and it was mostly over, and then also because we missed an announcement about the change in the Salt Flats drive-off time. We left over an hour late the next morning, and ended up turning back with a small crew of minis we ending up traveling with for most of the rest of the journey. We stopped at a truck stop on the route back towards Salt Lake and had a nice breakfast. Mike made a little Salt Flats on the table, using salt and a tiny model mini.

Then we began the long road to Grand Junction. Eastern Utah was pretty dull. And it was peppered with state troopers. It was nice to be back in Colorado though. It had been a while. Since I went back to Colorado Springs to give that paper I think. Or maybe it was for the Teach for America interview, I can't remember which came first now.

The hotel in Grand Junction was nice. Then we met up with our motoring companions; DB from California, Mike and Scott from Arizona, Jim from Nebraska, Suzanne from Seattle (who was originally from Long Island and a Mets fan too!), me and Julie and this guy Markus and his son Ryan (forgot where they were from). We ate at the RockSlide Brewpub, where I got to watch the Mets blow a lead to the Rockies in the 8th inning by giving up a grand slam. Nearby Rockies fans cheered, and I sighed. The Mets did with that series though :)

Then we walked down the street to a gelato place to get some free ice cream compliments of MINIUSA. After a stop in a nearby bar for a drink, or two we headed back to the hotel. We met up with Gert Hildebrand, the head designer for MINI and a few guys who were apparently his handlers, looking after him. We hung out for a bit in the hotel lounge area and listened to some stories. I mentioned to one of the handler guys that I didn't have my Mini with me and explained about her tranny. He repeated my situation to Gert, and he said, you know the guy you need to talk to is Vinny.

The next morning we gathered in a nearby parking lot and did our check-ins and lined up to go. We managed to keep a pretty good sized group of Minis together, but eventually we ended up back in our little group. We stopped in Frisco for lunch and some photos, then got back on the road toWinter Park. It was a beautiful little town, at high altitude, the effects of which took me by surprise. MINIs in the Mountains was based here, and coincided with MTTS. We did a cool drive through town, we even had our own lane, and then we ended up in a park for some entertainment and relaxation. Mark and Ross had joined us by this time. Then we had dinner in another local pub. The hotels there were shocking. Mine was simply rustic, when I asked about cooling off the stuffy room, the guy just told me to open a window. It didn't get very hot there, but still this was an eye opener. Julie and some of the others stayed in the hotel across the street which according to them was nightmarish. It was likened by more than one person to the hotel in The Shining. We stayed in Winter Park most of the next day for MITM activities including a lovely Bar-b-que lunch up at the top of the moutain. We had to get up there by ski lift. After a group photo, we were off to Denver.

For this part of the journey I rode with Kerry, who I didn't really know at all before this. He turned out to be pretty cool with good taste in music. After hitting some traffic in Denver, we made it to my hotel. I waited there for Julie who was staying with me once again. She got into her Trinity outfit and we headed for the owners garage party at the Infinity Park events center. Unfortunately we took a long and unnecessary detour being mislead this time by google maps. We had actually been just a few blocks away from the venue, but we got there eventually. Pedro had arrived in town by then and we happily greeted him and added another number to our party of SCMC members. The party was pretty fun, basically a showcase of the new Countryman and some photos and video from the trip so far. Also this was our first time meeting up with those who rallied from the East Coast locations, New York, Chicago, and Atlanta.

We called it an early night so we could be rested up for the Red Rock run the next morning. For me it was the highlight of the trip. We first gathered at the Red Rock amphitheater where U2 had filmed their "Sunday Bloody Sunday" video years ago. We made our way down the steep steps to get a briefing and a bit of a cheering section going. We did this YMCA like action to awkwardly spell MINI. And there was a sing-a-long to "I Got a Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas. It kind of fell flat due to the MINIUSA crew not having a way to amplify the music from the boom box they had brought. There were some break dancers that did their thing on stage and then we all climbed back up to the cars. It was a huge effort for me and I was glad to have made it without dying. They took some cool photos of what seemed like a sea of MINIs. Then we headed off to Estes Park via some of the coolest, twistiest roads anywhere. We left Red Rock in a massive group and stayed together quite a lot of the way. We took one wrong turn which was mostly my fault. Then we righted ourselves and got back to Denver. We arrived at the MTTS Festival which was on a rugby field at Infinity Park. We met up with Stormy, one of Julie's friends from a previous job. And he asked if I was the co-pilot who had shamefully never seen The Matrix. It was one of the funniest moments when I had to admit after riding all that way with Trinity and Neo that I'd never actually seen the movie. Julie posted it on Facebook, and then I was known as "the girl who'd never seen The Matrix."

The festival was cool. It was pretty similar to the one in Pasadena at MTTS 2008. Vendors and displays, food and music. There was a MINICross on the road out in front of the center. I got to try out a silver convertible on the slalom course. They had 3 MINI "e"s and I had to wait in another separate line to drive one of those. After a long wait, including an unspecified delay on the track, I finally got in to the electric MINI. The MINIUSA rep who rode with me gave me tips on how to drive this unique Mini. The accelerator was used for both accelerating and slowing down. The brake was only for stopping. It took getting used to. I went through the slalom again, doing a bit better than the first time. The MINI "e" was just as spunky as any other mini, and navigated the turns like a champ. The who rode with me introduced himself as Vinny, and I realized that this could be my guy. I told him about my MINI and that Gert had suggested I speak to him. He said he'd try to help and that I should find him inside the festival later.

I told everyone I could find to keep an eye out for him. Db, who knew him well, said he'd let him know I was looking for him. I finally found him on a picnic blanket getting ready to watch Blues Traveller with other MINIUSA folks. He took my information, and said he'd see what he could do.

Having achieved one of the main things I'd hoped to do on this trip, I felt some relief. I had done all I could to get some help with MINIfir's problem. Now I just had to wait.

Blues Traveller were great as usual. And it was nice just to end the whole trip relaxing and watching a great band. When it was over, Julie dropped me back at my hotel. She had booked a special hotel for this second night because her boyfriend had planned to meet her there. It turned out he couldn't make it due to work, but she spent the night in the hotel anyway. A nice treat for her after the Winter Park experience. I was in the same hotel two nights in a row, which was a welcome change for me after a different stop every night.

The next morning we packed up for the long drive back to Las Vegas. I had told Julie early on in the trip that if she got tired, I could drive while she got some rest. But it turned out on that last day, when she did kind of hope to have me drive a bit, I got incredibly sleepy and didn't manage to help out. Another boo for me as a co-pilot. One good thing that came out of the trip was that I got to know Julie much better. We decided to have a movie night some future weekend, so I could finally see The Matrix.

Twelve hours later, we arrived back at Palace Station so I could pick up the car I'd been lent by John and Pedro. Sunday night it was back home in my own bed, tired but happy I'd been able to join in the fun. It was bittersweet without my MINIfir. But I got home hopeful that I could get her back on the road soon.

Through a Long and Sleepless Night

A few weeks ago, I underwent a sleep study to see if my insomnia had some discernible cause. I checked into a sleep clinic and got wired up before going to bed for the night. It was weird having all these sensors applied to my scalp and my face and body. I must have looked like a cyborg. Then I was plugged in to a unit next to my bed in the little bedroom. Otherwise it was like any other comfy bedroom. A nice big bed with color coordinated bedding and lots of pillows. There was even a nice chair in the corner in case I brought a companion to sit with me overnight. I didn't though, it was just me.

My sleep technician was called Edwin and he talked me through the process after wiring me up. It was probably around 9:30 when I got into bed. And I'd be there until 5:00 when I'd be woken up. Needless to say, I didn't need to be woken up. I was already awake. I did sleep some of the time, I remember because I had dreams. But I think I was pretty restless, tossing and turning the rest of the time. I rang for Edwin at around 2:30 so I could use the bathroom. He had to come and unhook me. I used the bathroom, carrying the harness for all my sensors, it was hanging around my neck actually. When I was done and Edwin was hooking me back up, I told him that I'd thought it was much later than 2:30. And that I'd been awake already for quite a while. He said, "I know." Monitoring me from a computer, he could tell if I was awake or asleep, if my eyes were open or closed, if I was in R.E.M. sleep, how my breathing was and how much I moved around. He said I kicked a lot, and that I woke myself up when I did it. Otherwise he wasn't really allowed to tell me much about the results of the test. It would be a few weeks for the data to be analyzed and sent to my doctor at the VA.

At 5:00 I was groggy despite having been awake for a while. Kind of like when I get up for work in the morning. I was definitely not feeling rested. I know it was partially because of the odd situation, being wired up and having to stay on my back. But it didn't feel that different from a usual night for me. Often awake, restless legs, and a brain that just wouldn't turn off. I remember having songs in my head. The Glee versions of "To Sir with Love," and Bohemian Rhapsody," just over and over again.

When I got up, the sensors all had to come off. The ones in my scalp left a waxy sort of glue in my hair and the ones on my face hurt when Edwin tore them off like band-aids, quicker better than slower. I got dressed and called Mom to come get me. When we got home, I went back to bed, gluey hair and all. I stayed in bed pretty much all of the morning, sleeping a bit here and there, but mostly just resting, glad to be back in my own bed.

I wonder what the data said. I haven't been to my doctor yet for the results. I wonder how much could really be picked up by those sensors of what was going on in my head. I know it couldn't record my thoughts, but just the activity of my brain I guess. I wonder what goes on in there. I look forward to finding out.

Perfect Symmetry

I went to see Keane last Friday night. I posted this review on Ticketmaster.com


"Keane Reward an Enthusiastic Vegas Crowd.

First of all, Fran Healy opened. And he was brilliant as ever. He played some Travis songs, and some of the material from his upcoming solo album. He was modest and funny and it was his birthday! so he could do whatever he wanted, and we loved him for it.

Ingrid Michaelson was new to me, but was very enjoyable. A singer/songwriter with a playful vocal style, and humorous but sweet songs. She bravely led a sing-a-long with a crowd who mostly didn't know her, and pulled it off.

The break before Keane came on was about a half-hour longer than expected. They were having some trouble with their gear. But once they took the stage, an apologetic Tom Chaplin explained the delay and rewarded the audience for sticking with them. He led the crowd in singing great song after great song from their 3 plus albums. Tim Rice-Oxley's dominant piano and added vocals, including lead vocals on Your Love, mated perfectly with Chaplin's passionate singing. I saw them the last time they played House of Blues, on the Hopes and Fears tour, and despite having a lot more material now, they seemed still humbled by the fact that the crowd knew all the songs and sang along. They focused heavily on songs from Perfect Symmetry and Night Train, but played the requisite classics from H&F and a few from Under the Iron Sea. Notable omissions included Lovers are Losing and Spiralling.

House of Blues Las Vegas - Las Vegas , NV - Fri, Jul 23, 2010
Favorite moment: For me it was Perfect Symmetry. And any time Fran Healy spoke to the crowd.

Setlist: (not in order) Stop for a Minute, Back in Time, Clear Skies, Your Love, My Shadow, Somewhere Only We Know, Bedshaped, This is the Last Time, Crystal Ball, Is it any Wonder?, Bend and Break, Bad Dream, Playing Along, Perfect Symmetry (I might have missed one or two)

Opening act(s): Fran Healy of Travis, and Ingrid Michaelson "

One thing I didn't mention in the review, Tom gave some background on what some of the songs were about. As beautiful as they sound, it was interesting to hear how thoughtfully they were written. A nice show altogether. Also I got a few pictures and even some video which was a welcome bonus.

Keep the Car Running

Just two weeks ago, my beloved MINIfir was laid low with a bad transmission. We were just pulling out of the garage, and then slowly started up our street to set out for Utah and Zion National Park. But something was wrong. She was jerking and revving really high, and stopping and creeping. It was definitely trouble. We turned around and came home and I cancelled my trip to Utah.

The rest of the weekend was spent in worry and frustration. I had just taken her to the DMV for registration renewal the day before. And it was only 4 days before her 7th birthday. That Monday I stayed home from work and had her towed in to Kensington. Marc had a look at her and pinpointed the problem right away. He wanted to try an adaptation of the transmission to see if clearing out some of the programming glitches would fix the problem. They had to keep her overnight. Then Trish called with the news I most feared. The adaptation didn't help and MINIfir would need a new transmission. The cost would be somewhere in the neighborhood of $7000.

Then, the network of the MINI community went into action. My friend Larry called to say that there might be hope that MINI would replace the transmission for me at the dealer. Turns out the transmission (CVT) in the early model year MINIs was made by Nissan, the problem was known and Nissan extended the warranty on the CVTs in their own cars. MINI had yet to prescribe the extension for its owners, but there was a chance that perhaps they could be convinced. Larry said that Xiek from Canada said there was a dealer in California that had honored Nissan's extension and replaced some CVTs. He also gave me the number of a customer relations rep at MINIUSA. Trish called back and said she'd do some research into it, checking for service bulletins, etc.

By Saturday, I had procured a rental car and went up to Mark and Kathy's house for the club's post-scavenger hunt gathering. As soon as I walked in the door, Ross was there to tell me all about how when he had his overheating problems on the way to MINI Takes the States (MTTS) in '06, he was able to talk to Jim McDowell and some other big wigs at MINIUSA and they made sure his car was taken care of. Perhaps they'd do the same for me. I spent most of the party recounting the details of MINI's and my woes.

Back to work on Monday, having to face more questions from the nosy guy at the busstop, and my colleagues, it was starting to really sink in. It might be months before I had my MINI back, if at all. We wouldn't be going on MTTS. Talking to the rep at MINIUSA didn't help. He wasn't optimistic that MINI would be extending the warranty like Nissan did. At least not in the immediate future. I told Larry the news and he was disappointed. His Rocket had the same problem, but he'd been smart enough to get an extended warranty which would pay for the replacement. He said I could ride with him to MTTS. It's very kind of him, but small consolation.

I worked overtime this weekend in an effort to start earning/saving up some more money. I wasn't able to visit MINI at Kensington as I had last Friday. I'm tired and sad and basically mourning. I made the decision though to bring her home and keep her safe until we can get the work done. It's akin to waiting for an organ transplant. And she's my baby; it pains me not to be able to help her right now.

After MTTS, I should be able to borrow a car from a friend for a while. Then things are uncertain. Will I end up getting a new car? Another MINI perhaps, or something else I wouldn't be as emotionally attached to? I don't know. But I haven't given up on my girl yet.

Girlfriend in a Coma

So Tuesday I was at work, listening to the NPR Shuffle podcast. A few of them actually, I was a few days behind. Then the All Things Considered story came on about Thrillerfest, a writers' conference in New York for authors and fans of the suspense/thriller genre. My ears perked up, as I'm currently reading the fantastic series of novels in that genre by Stieg Larsson, the Millennium Trilogy, or the Lisbeth Salander books. The NPR Reporter, Margot Adler, talked to some aspiring writers who had attended the conference to see what they had learned from the well-known published writers who spoke on various panels. They gave examples of some of the advice, like you need at least 2 plot twists, flawed characters, etc. Then Adler continued, "Some attendees are looking for publishers and agents. Todd Honeycutt hopes someone will pick up his book: 'My book is called The Shambala Guardian. It's about a religious fanatic,' he explains, 'who basically is trying to use American robotic technology and, you know, try to take over the whole world and the Americans who to stop him. '

The book sounded interesting. But also I was struck by the name and voice of this particular interviewee. Todd Honeycutt was my old Army boyfriend whom I dated for 6 months when we were stationed in Darmstadt, Germany back in the early '90s. Could it really be him? I had to wait until I got home to check it out. My Google inquiry returned several results for people named Todd Honeycutt. One was a singer/songwriter. His website had a picture, so I knew it wasn't him. I clicked on a few of the other links until I found a Linked In profile, there were 4 Todd Honeycutts on that site, but I found one profile where the dates seemed to fit. I sent a quick message just on a hunch, and the next day received a reply. It was him! How crazy, right?

I've used Linked In to find old colleagues, and Facebook to find old schoolmates and friends, but to be at work, listening to public radio podcasts and suddenly hear someone I knew... And on Radio of all things, such an old technology (Though podcasting updates it a bit. You can save, and re-listen to what you hear).

It was nice to catch up with Todd. He's doing really well, has a family, and has written a book! It really makes you think about the past. It was 17 years ago. I was 21. It seems like a lifetime ago. I thought about my 21-year-old self. How little I knew back then. How ill-equipped I was for some of the things that happened. It was an angsty time. I thought about how hard I must have made it for Todd, being so uptight, and having all those sudden crying episodes, and just being so clueless about relationships. I didn't know yet that I was bi-polar, or that all these years later, I'd still be receiving treatment. I didn't realize that back then when Todd broke up with me, it wasn't him, it was me! And that after that, still having nearly half of my tour remaining, there was worse to come.

With all the stuff that's buried deep in my mind, there are quite a few good memories of that time. The weekends in Cologne, and just hanging out with Todd and his roommate Steve Pugh. I remember once when we were sitting on the floor of their room, reading the letters of Franz Kafka aloud, I thought how lucky it was that I met someone so much like me in such an odd place. Neither of us really belonged. There were important differences too. But mostly, being with him, it was a good place to be.

I hope that I've grown up since then. I hope that I am less likely to make the same mistakes I made. It's hard to say, though. It's a toss up. Sometimes it feels like the part of me that was awakening at that time, went back to sleep, and hasn't been heard from since.

Bang!

Miracle is not happy. She hates the 4th of July. All the loud pops and bangs of the fireworks bother her sensitive ears. So she's hiding in here with me. I don't blame her. Today is the 234th birthday of the USA. I can't remember how long it took me to become bored by the whole hoopla. But at least it's an extra day off (if I'm lucky like this year). It's a day to BBQ hot dogs, eat apple pie and watch baseball (all of which I did today). It's a day to hang out with family, and my brother George stopped to visit us for a short while.

Yeah, I suppose there's still a place for the flags and parades and special renditions of the National Anthem. I remember one year back when I was in the Army at Fort Carson. Me and my friend Humphrey walked up and down the side walks and ran around in the grass field on post waving our miniature flags. It's an example of how the important thing that comes back in memories, more often than not, isn't fireworks, but friends.

So as much as I like to consider myself a worldly person, who has travelled, and happily consumes the culture of the U.K. and Europe and a few other places, there are some American things for which I'm grateful in no particular order:

Semisonic, baseball, great American TV shows (too many to mention), Neil Diamond, New York, great American designers like Marc Jacobs, the iPod, any U.S.A. Olympic team, NPR, malls, open space, Amazon.com, great American authors and books...

Yes, there's more, plenty of them right under my nose, but my brain is too full to download any more. But forget about things. Mostly it's the people, friends, family, all those that make living in this country worthwhile, all those that make it feel like home.

Oily Water

I'm guilty. Just like you. I drive a car. I love my car, some would say to the point of anthropomorphic obsession. MINI runs on gasoline. Her engine is lubricated by motor oil. So what's happening in the Gulf of Mexico is not my fault specifically, but it has come about because the world is full of people like me who rely on fossil fuels to keep things going in daily life. It's not just cars. Homes are heated with oil. Plastics are a petroleum product. The soda bottle on my desk next to me and the action figures on my shelf are all part of the fossil fuel economy. The one that results in giant oil corporations greedily drilling deeper and deeper for the Texas tea that keeps us running and fills their pockets.

A couple of weeks ago on Doctor Who, the two part episode which began with "The Hungry Earth" told of scientists drilling deep into the Earth in Wales. I don't remember how deep it was, 21 km or some really long distance. And it turned out that down at the Earth's core was another civilization. A race of lizard-like humanoids who thought the drill coming down into their oxygen pockets constituted an act of war.

President Obama used war as an analogy to describe the devastation caused by this spill; which after two months is still spewing oil into the water of the Gulf. It's killing animals and putting everyone in the fishing industry out of work. It's putting the lives of residents in jeopardy due to toxic beaches. Not to mention the loss of income from reduced tourism in the Gulf states. Unlike Hurricane Katrina, this disaster is entirely of man's making.

And still, on a 100 degree day in Las Vegas, I was out doing my errands, with the air conditioning cranked up in my car, despite the cost of lower fuel economy. I'm going to be using more oil this summer. Yes, I am guilty. And what should I do? The answer is not simple. Everything has a ripple effect. Change is difficult. It's uncomfortable. But it starts with one conscious act of trying to make things better. I hope I'm up for the challenge.

The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite

Wednesday was a long day at work, for more reasons than one. First we had a little brown bat visit our building. He was sleeping on the wall next to the outside stairwell. I went out and took a look at him. He was furry and cute and wasn't bothering anyone. The Site biologists came to check him out and said he'd be fine if we let him alone.

Then at the training building, they found this not-so-little guy. The solid waste people came to take him away. They say this sidewinder is just a sample of the bumper crop of snakes this summer. Hopefully, any other specimens I see will just be in pictures like this one.

Sleeping Pills

My doctor gave me a new prescription this week to help me sleep. I've tried many different medications. Some meant to help with sleep, some meant to help with other things but that also cause drowsiness. The latest is Mirtazapine. Before that it was Temazepam, and before that Diphenhydramine. Seroquel worked great as far as helping me get to sleep, but waking up was a bit of a problem. This newest one seems kinda like that. But all the good ones are. Otherwise, they don't help you get to sleep any faster than if you tried on your own.

I have to try taking this one much earlier in the evening. But then, I'll drop off before I've had a chance to do anything. Last night and the night before I ended up taking it and then getting sleepy before I was ready. I'm afraid that if I take it too soon, I'll fall asleep on the bus home and miss my stop.

Friday, my first day after taking it, was pretty much shot. I could barely get myself up and to the doctor for my appointment. And even then it was a bit sketchy. She could tell I was "relaxed" to say the least. On the way home I was going to stop and see my friend Ralph as I often do on the way home from the doctor, but I was just so sleepy, I probably shouldn't even have been driving. I got home and actually went back to bed and set the alarm to wake me up at 4:00 for the Mets game.

"It's just time, they kill," as Brett Anderson sings. The rest of the weekend was just me trying to get as much as I could done in between being too sleepy to get up, or stay up. Hoping not to let them kill too much time. And here I am, Sunday night; I can already feel them working on me now. Will I even make it through this week's episode of Doctor Who?

Raining in Baltimore

The weather was hot and humid, like every East Coast summer. But the Mets had a good weekend in Baltimore, hitting the baseball and pitching it too. Sweeping the Orioles to win their first series on the road this year had to feel good. It was certainly good for me to watch. It seems that however the Mets go, so goes my weekend. So it's been a good couple of weekends with this sweep and the one last week against Florida. Let's hope it continues with the series against the Yankees next weekend.

Baseball is summer, and no matter what else I may be doing, it occupies my mind. Whether my Mets are good or awful, they are mine. And my family's. We are a Mets household. It can be hard to catch the games, living in the West Coast time zone. The time change and the fact that not many of the games are broadcast locally. But fortunately an MLB.TV subscription, my iMac and my new flat screen make it almost like we were back home watching. Almost.

Other noteworthy sporting events this weekend? Well there's this little tournament going on in South Africa known as the World Cup. It's football (or soccer for us Americans) and it's the biggest sporting event in the World. You wouldn't know it most places you go around here, but we do have a team in the tournament. And playing the highly favored England team, we came out with a tie. I have to say, it was pretty exciting for a game that no one won. My many English friends were not too enthused that the U.S. tied the game on kind of a cheap goal. But the truth is, the goalie made a mistake and got beat. There was no poor officiating. And England didn't score again, thanks to the U.S. goalkeeper Tim Howard. He took some hits and kept playing hurt. He was the hero of the game. After the quick first goal by England in the first 5 minutes, Howard held them off. And U.S. strikers had a few good shots on the England goal, a win would have been amazing, but in this case a tie looked like a victory. Who knew?

It struck me today as the Mets scored 5 off of Kevin Millwood in the first inning, that it was a tough day at work for him. Even though it's a game, it's a job, and the players work hard. Just like the rest of us. They get paid significantly more, millions more, and live a life quite unlike ours, but at least we all have that little thing in common. The relativity of what a bad day of work is for one person and another can reveal great distances. All we can do is work as hard as we can at whatever we do, and leave it all on the field.

Bedside Story

So much is coming at us all the time, sights and sounds and swirly things. Most of it floats on by. Very little sticks. But every once in a while I'm struck with the power of a great story. And sometimes it comes from the oddest places.

I was surfing around the web doing quizzes on the In Plain Sight page. And I clicked over to the message boards about the show. My interest was piqued by a reference to a site called fanfiction.net, a repository of stories written about, inspired by and including characters and situations from pretty much any movie, book or TV show (or pretty much anything else that you can be a fan of).

I had been talking to my doctor about the stories I used to write when I was a teenager. Usually some silly fantasy about me and a player from the New York Mets. Me all grown up and having become all I wanted to be. Whether it be famous, or successful, or just possessing talents I never could. And finding the perfect love. You know, standard young girl's fantasy stuff. And the intervening years brought none of those things. So they were left behind, but not forgotten.

Occasionally I'd start a new one in my head. A scene here and there. An amusing tidbit to pass the time, a bit of comfort to take to bed. And yes, it's a story of me, being someone better than I am. Having more friends, being desired by the perfect guy. Right now, it's Marshall Mann, the U.S. Marshal, WITSEC Inspector on In Plain Sight. Played by Frederick Weller, Marshall is so smart, so funny, so sensitive, and adorably dorky. And he'd never want me. But in my head, anything can happen. I'm making it up.

So why don't you write these stories down? she asked. But that's fan fic, I told her. It's the silly imaginings of a fangirl. It's dressing up as a Jedi. Putting on shoes that are way too big, or a dress that's way too small. Thing is, fan fic can be better than that. A skilled writer can take established characters and story arcs, and take them somewhere else. And it could be seamless. I read such an IPS fan fic this weekend. I spend much of my Friday and Saturday night, enthralled, sure it was the same Mary and Marshall; and wanting to see what would happen to them, what they would do. It has a place because we fans do want more of Mary and Marshall. We imagine their world, bigger than what's on our screens. We can hear their voices. Some of us better than others. And there are those out there brave enough to share. I'm not up for that yet. My stories aren't so well developed. They are just bits and pieces. But now I've seen what can be done. And felt how it can feel. And I want more of that.

As I'm writing this I'm watching Tim Burton's version of Alice in Wonderland w/ Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter. It's all colorful and cool looking as usual with Burton films. But it just doesn't grab me. As classic a story as it is, I just find it kind of "eh." No wonder in Wonderland for me. Odd that.

Then sometimes it comes from just where you expect. Doctor Who is always full of wonder. Last night's episode continued that. It was about dreams, and more dreams, which one is real. Who needs reality? If I could be in the Tardis with the Doctor I certainly wouldn't.

Then again, sometimes reality pokes its little head back in. I just happened to run into Skip and Jazz on MySpace today. I talk to Jazz pretty often. But Skip has been MIA. And he had always been my go-to guy. He'd have a story for me; not fantastical, just big and clever. And completely him. And it was okay for me to be me. I always belonged. I definitely miss having that place to go to.

But it seems there should be a mix. Real and dream. Fantasy and life. Traveling in the Tardis and getting lost in the swirlyness of the here and now. In sleep and in waking.

But right now it's time for bed. What story will I take with me?

Lost!

It's come and gone now. And has been talked about. And will be talked about. You could probably teach a course on it. Lost is over. And we will never see the likes of it again. Even J.J. Abrams' genius cannot repeat an achievement like this.

Everyone will have their theories about what it means. Which reality is real? Who lived? Who died? Who was left? and what happened to them? What was it all for? And there is plenty to mull over, piece together, details to notice, obsess over, and enjoy. It was, after all, a bloody great ride.

What can I say that hasn't been pointed out by critics, Lost-ies and other avid viewers? I don't know. It's all still sinking in. But I just wanted to mark the moment's passing, unnecessary though it may be. It's already certain that it cannot be forgotten.